Umbrella

Well that lil' thing is a dear friend on sunny, rainy and flurry filled days. A true friend might I add. So is this a special segment on a very useful and handy fashion if not living accessory? Nah, don't worry, I haven't traded places and spaces with fashion world and then some. I'm still in that same space where I'm gonna drone on about something to do with people, emotions and all that sorts snappy, sappy schnazz. The post title is an ode to a song that I share some particularly fond memories with. It just felt apt to use the title, as this is a post about tying up lose ends.

It's been a few months since I've written on here, life's kinda sorta catching up to me as are it's responsibilities. Some days you just wanna say to hell with everything and do what you want to do. While writing is what I do want to do while I'm not busting my skull, sometimes even that loses it's flair and majesty and all that's left is a lotta brooding and pensive thoughts, that would put Batman's brooding nature to shame.

Summer is a time for relaxation, rejuvenation and rediscovery and well, discovery. And mine has been nothing short of that. I've rediscovered writing poetry if nething, hell in fact I've written more poetry this year than I have in the past 2 or 3 years. There was that time when I stopped and figuerd there would be no returning to something that I spent a huge chunk of my life working on. That was mostly due to the fact that I lost a decade's worth of work due to geocities shutting down and certain other life altering events (which when I look back at now make me howl with laughter). Now had I known they were shutting down, then I'm quite sure I would've found a way to preserve my stuff. But oh well, nothing much can be done about that now, what's gone is gone and you can't exactly turn back the clock and save it. Besides, without a lil' cleaning up and throwing out, how can you ever get your mind to work on something fresh and new?

Using that same train of thought, this summer has definitely shed a lot of light in another aspect of my life that I do tend to write about...you know the whole relationship and bonds with other people side of things. I think there was a massive unveiling ceremony that went down earlier in the year that made me re-think a lot of things. It's a great feeling when your close friends, well who literally by extension are family, appreciate you and tell you just how wonderful a friend you are and in some cases just compliment you to the moon and back (no no not setting up for narcissism.) Well I'm the kinda person who can't take too many compliments, just because I've been hard-wired that way from a very long time ago. Compliments for the things I did and achieved weren't exactly far too many and you tend to get used to not hearing a lot being said or being appreciated per-se. Which sometimes is a good thing, 'cuz then you get far fewer cocky bastards who think they own the world and the whole world owes them a favour, and well on the flip side you get the self esteem problem oriented team. Pros and cons everywhere people. But like I was saying, earlier this year, I got chastised for doing and being the person/friend I've been all my life or at least for the time period that the friendship has existed. Well to say it's been a surprising event this year would be sorta kinda an understatement. It's been annoying as hell though 'cuz I don't like unfinished business and I particularly don't like things that displace me and make me re-think and replay words and actions over and over again. Most people usually dust their hands off and say to hell with it, I'm either worth it or not, in which case your loss. So yeah I hate having to overthink BS when I don't have to and especially when I'm not getting paid to do so.

Though it's been a welcoming change, because, I actually got the opportunity to track back o'er the years and see just how much I overlooked. I let things slide then, probably because at that point in time I had a certain amount of resentment, perhaps bitterness and a rather relentless unforgiving take on things with others and with the situation(s) I was in. It's not hard to overlook things when you're so busy scrutinizing, weighing, juggling and handling multiple other things and onslaughts and blaming yourself and others for a lot of things. But at the same time it's not an excuse to be blinded to the reality you're surrounded by. Usually when things are off center I'm usually off like a bloodhound on a trail to fix things. But this time around, I finally decided, no more nice guy business, I'm not gonna be the one running behind to fix and make things work. If you wanna go off the grid, then that's your choice and your decision. If you decide to resurface I guess try your luck and see if the things and people you're used to seeing are still around or have moved on. That's the price you pay for the decisions you make. Every decision and action has a consequence and you should be willing to face it before you dive into it. I know it's easier said than done, and who the hell am I to be spouting off stuff like this neway right? Let's just say I'm experience's crash dummy, who has had expectations, dreams, hopes, requests, heart and sentiments crushed, dashed and crashed quite a few too many times. Now all that remains is to openly bitch about the instances, people and events right? In that case you better wait for the memoirs :P.

Well I guess it's time to wind down, this summer has been one filled with well re-evaluation, prioritization and liberation. I'm not sure if I've felt freer acknowledging and not giving a damn about things than I have in the past. Usually I'd be on the edge of my wits trying to 'fix' things, but I guess if some things are meant to be fixed then they'll get fixed, and if they were meant to last only a certain moment of your life, well then the moment has ended and it's time to chase and make a new one. Relinquish that which is beyond your control, and if you want to make things b8r don't ever compromise yourself, your values or beliefs. People, especially those closest to you, who make you reconsider your actions and thoughts and the way you've always done things just because you happened to use the same things with them and they didn't like it, ain't worth another moment of your time. That's when the decision is up to them to either accept you wholly or to just walk away, you aren't a monthly or weekly installment payment plan to put up with nonsense. It really is that simple. Keep it simple and fresh, and I hope your summer has been as refreshing and liberating and akin to a cool and refreshing glass of iced tea as mine has been.

Spring-stepper

Well I'm not trying out a physics experiment for one, I think I got a few loose springs in the head anyway. It's been a tumultuous time these past few weeks, actually they've blitzed by so fast it's been a little difficult trying to hit the pause button and ease up to stop by and share a few thoughts, sentiments, plans and random vent-age of frustrations. Eh nobody said handling different aspects of yourself and your life was gonna be easy, but at the same time nobody said u can't have fun while being a juggler, regardless of your rather flummoxing, dig-a-hole-and-bury-yourself-in-it disappointing, hand-eye motor coordination skills. Worst case scenario? Whatever you're juggling takes a nice dive onto your head and cracks one on yer noggin...apparently that's supposed to be enlightening
 
Man, lemme tell you something. Every time I head off on towards the next stop on my journey I have these side-bar adventures. Each of these side bar adventures I wind up on, I meet interesting people, and the weirdest part (at least so far) that I've encountered so far is that at least one of these people I meet have clepto tendencies towards food (mine included along with others) and walk around like they've done nothing at all. Talk about trashy, crassy people with some smarts. That being said though, I do have to credit them for their smartness, they don't just gyp off one person's stash in one go, they rotate, so the actual owners have no clue they're missing things until they're keeping a keen eye on their stocks. And by that, I mean unless you're counting EVERY single thing in there, you won't know you've had your stuff taken away. Honestly, I have no idea how these whack jobs manage to cross paths with me :|...maybe there's something just as whacky about me too, and the Universe has this massive plan of having a whackoparty where all the whackos of the world meet up and socialize in whacky ways?

Anyway specimen #2 who we shall call the Towel Trotter and is also food thief and general supplies thief, was from the domestic side of the shores, the first one was Psycho from across the ocean. Thankfully that adventure is done, as mentioned in a previous post. So specimen #2 has some severe mental problems, she LOVES talking with her hands, if her hands had vocal chords they'd do all the talking for her, they're more expressive than her facial expressions. Man and you knew she was in the house, 'cuz you'd hear a continuous stream of door slams, be them cabinet doors, the fridge door, the main door, her bleeding room door...mother of God, the woman was a noise generator, who had the audacity to declare that I'm perpetually depressed 'cuz that's how my face looks :S. Seriously? Where the hell did you get your social skills from? A fortune cookie? And she's one of those classic examples of people who I'd like to call distracters...you know the kinda folks who like to give you all this additional info about their lives that you neither care about nor asked them about but they feel it's their job to tell you. It's their way of trying to get your entire story, so as to hit your weaknesses and strengths, and see what kinda person you are. I know I've mentioned this in earlier posts, but seriously people you guys need to stop assuming that everyone around you has 500 different masks slipping and sliding into place with hidden agendas...I mean hell you wanna know something about someone, sometimes just asking them the damn question directly would be helpful. Oh yeah and she's a.k.a the 'Towel Trotter' 'cuz the last day we were there she decided to come and have a conversation with me clad in her towel :|...I had no idea where the hell to look lol, and my folks had such a good laugh at my expense. She went on to explain how her clothes were in the washing machine...Man! If your damn clothes are in the washing machine then maybe you should wait until they're all done and ready to be worn before coming to talk to me...jeez...she pulled the same damn stunt on the morning we were all moving out and offered to help me empty the dishwasher. My biggest concern was that damn towel coming off :S...dang guy I had other things to get done and done with and this loco chica comes about clad in her towel wasting my time and then trying to help, when in reality all she was doing was doubling my dishwasher clearing time. And of course you know what happens when you express these concerns to the parental unit :P. Their response was 'Oooohh maybe she was trying to hit on you or sum'n' *wink wink, nudge nudge*...talk about the mother of all eye rolls. Man I'd be glad if someone was trying to hit on me, but in all honesty if that was the attempt on trying to hit on me then that's literally like running over me with a bus :S...c'mon chica brush up those skills *tsk tsk*. Even I know that, and that's saying something man....clearly this is an indication of spring fever in the air.

Other than that folks, it's been a crazy time and a super rough time...I've been having to re-evaluate thoughts and sentiments about the way I see and do things and most importantly the way I see myself. There's been moments in these past 5 weeks where I've felt like the world's biggest dumbass who seems to not be cut out for anything. Lemme tell you sum'n folks, I don't care what your IQ tests say, but here's a life lesson. Every turn in life is gonna give you a stumper that has aspects and facets to it that you've never ever seen or been through before and leaves you clueless. Your biggest problem then isn't the problem at hand, it's how your mind sees, perceives and delivers instructions to handle it. Every time I hit a low (which seems to be quite often the last few weeks) all the parties that make up brain decide to have simultaneous conversations and make those headaches worse than they should be. Sometimes they even toss in random topics that have no correlation to the problem at hand. However, that being said, it's easier to just let your mind sink and drop to the bottom of the abyss you always feared you faced, instead of swimming against the force of the currents pulling you down and fighting to break through the surface. I won't lie, but during these past few weeks it's been really difficult to try and drum up inspiration in any shape, size or form...and when you see results that crush that sense if not feeling of 'Man yeah I know I've been making progress' it just makes the digging for inspiration harder. What I'm trying to say folks, is that, ultimately everything is a mind game...the biggest thing in the Universe that fucks around with you is your head space. The only person who can talk you into or out of something is yourself. No matter how many speeches you hear of don't ever give up on your dreams and all that other stuff, end of the day it's what if not how your mind decides and perceives things that determines the outcome. You don't need fire, you don't need fuel to ignite and spur you on towards drive and determination...all you need is a moment of quiet, peace and clarity. If things are chaotic, you MAKE the damn time ya hear? Go to the place that makes you feel safe, it could be a park, it could be the basement of your house, your backyard, a library, the grocery store, heck it could be the backseat of your car. Whatever it is, go to your calm place, the eye of your storm and have your moment of clarity...because from that moment on you KNOW what it is that you want and you REFUSE to settle for anything less than that. It is through that clarity that you really know and find the truth you're looking for.

Yeah folks, I have to impart some of this stuff, I think the world only need one Idiot like me, and not a gazillion more. I know I ain't a ball of sunshine wrapped in ribbons of optimism, but, hey the terms verbal carnage don't exactly sound all sunshiney either :P. None the less, I do hope everyone's been doing fantastically well, and I just wanna wish you all a very Happy Easter! The writing has been a bit sporadic both on here and out on Thotfaktoree, but time hasn't been something I've had a lot of. But to those of y'all who've held on a very huge 'Thank You' for your patience and time. Until next time, happy adventures everyone!

It's A Wrap

Man I've been dying to have that as the title of my post for a while now. Had to bite back the urge to type it every now and then, wanted to save it for a significant moment. Well here it is! Though I'd like to add that the journey is far from over, I'm not quite sure what words I'd have to say at that point in time when the journey is actually done and done with. Probably something along the lines of 'Oh well this chapter is done, on to the next phase.' Apparently my imaginary award winning speeches have more depth and character in 'em than do the chapters of my adventures in life.

Well, I did wait for the fireworks and bottles of bubblies to celebrate with being done with my trans-Atlantic journey but they kinda fizzled and drizzled away, so I guess the celebrations are a bit on the down low for the time being. Over the past few days I've been asked, how it feels to be done with things, and all I have to say to all of that is, well I still got miles to go and it's time for the next major chapter in this journey I'm on. I mean it doesn't feel like I finished something, I just feel like I've advanced to the next level of the game, after dying and trying multiple times to finally beat the dang level. There's probably one thing u can count on life for...change....it plonks it your way whether you want it, need it, expect it or not. And there's no measure to what change does to someone or something.

From here on, hopefully, begins the next set of adventures traipsing it's way through my life. Thanks to everyone for sticking with me through my times across the ocean. All your love, support, words and thoughts are genuinely appreciated. I wouldn't have been able to make it through without all you awesome people who have been with me through this crazy ass ride. I do know one thing for a fact, the ride ahead is crazier and you're gonna probably hear the same stories amplified in oh so many different ways. Thank you land of vodka for your frigid and at times heart warmingly thawing hospitality, I did meet some fantastically awesome people who I wouldn't have met otherwise. Here's to adventures state-side huh? 

Essence of VD

Not a cologne, perfume or any form of spraying substance/aerosol that smells nice. VD is just Vomit Day a.k.a Valentine's Day. The day that my gag reflexes are primed to maximum capacity...where cliches go beyond cheesy and corny and the colour Red finds itself used preposterously in all and any forms. Colour me green? Oh no thank you, I'm quite glad without the enhanced sickly coating...it'll just make me appear more sickly than the already pale pallor of my skin from all the blanching and retching the day has caused. The over commercialized and over advertized aspect of this day has pretty much ruined the significance of it all for me anyway...Love is not an emotion, feeling or virtue that appears once a year and then vanishes into thin air. It's something that should be celebrated every single day of your life...love is a moment, an epiphany, it's an expression, and moments, epiphanies and expressions don't happen during a 24 hour time span. I've been over this concept before, and you know what? Sometimes, there's only so much you can scream and shout about...eventually your throat gets tired of saying the same things and you just stay silent and keep your wise thoughts to yourself. However, me being the fiery Arien, apparently shutting up or shutting that voice factor down doesn't seem to be something that will happen anytime soon.

It's been a while since I've been away from home, and there's a few things you learn about yourself when you're away from everyone and everything that usually keeps you grounded and keeps you within your comfort zone (to speak of.) If you thought trying to get your parents to agree to let you do something that requires a lot of persuasion is bureaucratic in of itself, well, then let me say 'Oh boy...' you've got yourself in for quite a surprise. Well of course the rest of us see this bureaucraticness in various forms as we progress from one stage of life to another...as we progress from the training wheel stage of High School and then fall flat on our faces or asses from then on. From what I've seen, there's been a nice cut up b/w being a smooth walker and talker, and being the hermit...apparently you can't be both or the mere thought of being both is quite blasphemous. As much as I'd love to talk about the gossipers and the steady headed people (who are far too rare and far tooooo few a breed in today's world, of this I can assure you) I don't feel quite up to the task of ranting about those strangers and acquaintances. Since it's a day celebrating love, I'd rather talk about those people who I figure fall into that category of emotions that you can actually associate with them. You know the people you love, and those you love to hate 'cuz those are the ones who bring out the fine emotions of anger and hate (which I do find to be too strong an emotion, a clean & pure one though, that could slice through butter, but none the less too strong an emotion.)

Absence does make the heart grow fonder you know...that's the one thing distance has taught me. It's taught me the boundaries and limits of things that I can withstand, and it's kinda sorta given me the ability to call someone out on their BS, especially when the someone is a friend. I'm not exactly one who likes to go looking for fights, or confrontations of any sort...but being away has ebbed and chipped away at some aspects of myself that used to mean a lot to me, but now in hindsight I just look at myself and go 'You dumbass.' I mean I can't believe the things that I've done and allowed myself to be manipulated into doing under the pretext of 'friendship.' There are certain people in my life that I knew, have gotten to know and know will stick with me through thick and thin, and then there are the questionables...situational questionables who claim so and whose actions just dictate something that's entirely different from what they say.

I've often held this claim, if not notion, that back in Undergrad, there was this rather interesting individual who I met through my CT (not the scan) and who I figured would be a rather genuine and nice individual. Yeah well...talk about rerouting thoughts and opinions following interesting episodes of backstabbing...this individual drove a nice hard wedge, b/w a really good friend of mine and myself, turned against me and I became quite the villain (that's always an interesting scenario 'cuz I make a pretty badass villain :D.) I admit I felt like shit initially 'cuz you know when people whisper and send out not so subtle signals verbally and physically 'bout things, and you don't exactly feel all that sunshiney or cheery like a bowl of cheerios. Cut to a few years later...and, Oh hell yeah! I'm glad I don't have to deal with that creton anymore, Jaesus and to think I got reeled into, well to put it more aptly, suckered into doing things (to the extent of doing assignments for classes I didn't even HAVE!) for 'em I'm glad I don't have to deal with those creatures anymore. Too much drama, and very little genuinity to obtain. All quantity, no quality.

Very recently I also discovered how wonderful it was to detach from that entire group of individuals back then, if I'd have stuck around I'd be involved in more gossip and emotional baggage (that didn't belong to me) than I'd want to be part of. A few days ago I stumbled across more interesting epiphanies...there was this chick back in High School who pulled some wannabe gangsta shit on another friend, and it sorta kinda drifted on towards Undergrad. Here's the messed up part, I got cussed out for their delinquency, due to sheer association, and this delinquency snowballed into a huge freaking virtual argument. Curious part, some people involved are back to being friends and I get the blistering cold shoulder...but then again that is fantastic news for me 'cuz one less problem to worry about. I guess the other reason is probably because I have the personality of a clam, so go figure how attractive that is...unless you're some lemon juice and parsley with a hint of garlic...in which case we'd get along just fine.


Now, over the summer I had a rather interesting 'friendular' experience. An old friend visited, and, in the circle of my akademick madness I was able to make some time (which I actually covered for with a buncha reasonable excuses) 'cuz you know when old friends come into town you don't just not go see them right? Well see here's the thing, I was in the dog house with the parental unit on the akademick front 'cuz I had to head back to re-do a semester of a class in the fall, 'cuz my bloody lab T.A couldn't let go of half a point and pass me. Yes this is something I still can't seem to let go of, I don't think anything has pissed me of as much as this idiot T.A's decision. Anyway all good and terrible things do come to an end, eventually...Thankfully that class is done. So yeah, here I am in the doghouse 'cuz you know there's the thought of how obviously I didn't study hard enough or else I wouldn't have had to go back and do a semester of this monster class over again right? In the pursuit of catching up with old friend, I get counter questioned with 'Jaesus dude, aren't you done studying yet? How much more are you going to study? Time to work and settle down and all ya know?' Well here's a side note, apparently my biological and mental clock is a concern for everybody else but me. None the less I go out on a limb to meet up and catch up and drive around like an idiot around and about town or rather towns..and this is my fav part...in a message of thanks and wonderfulness and mentions of all the people that took the time and trouble out to meet, greet and visit I failed to feature on there. I'm not begging for attention, but hey thanks for the lack of acknowledgement, and thanks for playing me and utilizing the loyalist nature of my friendship. Call me petty, but yeah sorry that's not how you do things...so needless to say thanks for dropping by in my life, make sure you shut that door on your way out.

So now that the shit and grit's been dealt with, let's get to the love filled parts shall we? Being away from home has strengthened some of the greatest bonds I've shared with some of the most amazing people in the world. Even though I don't get to see them, talk to them or hang out with them as much, sometimes just hearing their voice for 5 minutes on the phone, or reading 5 lines if not 5 paragraphs of an email from them or getting blog alerts, and forwards with poems like 'Desiderata,' or conversations on Gtalk and FB have been the most uplifting, motivating and inspirational conversations I've had. They've been the right things that I needed at those very moments to make me carry on, to move forward and put one foot in front of the other to get towards my dreams. These guys have shared in my failures and victories and have NEVER turned their backs on me. Now if that's what you call love, then I'm sorry to say the 14th of February just ain't sufficient to celebrate the beautiful and wonderful people they are and the aura they carry about them, nor does it do them any justice.

On that note, vomit out the useless ones sucking you dry of your emotions, who make you think before you utter every word, who make you play out a scenario in your head before you state a decision and stop you from being and expressing who you truly are. Yupp it's Vomit Day so go ahead vomit out all the unnecessary stuff, and toxic people in your life...after all our bodies are smart enough to do that, in order to protect us, when there's something unwanted or toxic in our system so why can't we? Celebrate the beautiful and amazing people in your life who let you be who you are and stand by you, and call you out too, when you do something ridiculously stupid or when you emerge victorious in something you set out to achieve. End of the day you know that's the kinda love you want to be surrounded and nurtured by...'cuz that kinda love can withstand any test of time and any sorta distance or variable that life tosses at it. Like the words on my PJ's...Love, Peace and Happiness...people. Oh yeah, and I don't own the pix in posts, the original creators do, in this case all rights belong to softonic.com. Thanks for infusing colour and life into my post.

The Convenience Factor & Observations

One of the most underrated, overlooked and overexploited attributes we live with these days is that of convenience. We conveniently forget our beginnings/roots, our friends, our principles, our values, our duties and who we are as people in an attempt to fit in, stand out, or achieve the highest pinnacle of what we consider to be success. Call me naive, a fool or even a tool, but you know it's true, and it's this convenience factor that annoys the crap outta me.

Well I'm sure that the word originally came into being to explain that which makes things easier for us, and perhaps was meant to be applied to inanimate things...Guess now it's become a way of life that applies to both the animate and inanimate sectors of life. It's sad really as to how all things that start with good intentions manage to get modified into twisted extensions of what they were originally meant to be. What gets me more is how after a while we all sit there and accept it without batting an eyelid. Saying this also doesn't mean I'm the epitome of perfection and don't overuse or abuse this convenience factor. Saying that would just make me a ruddy hypocrite now won't it? Which is something I cannot deny either...let's face it everyone in today's day and age is a hypocrite, whether they choose to publicly announce it or live with it with a strong sense of denial.

Let me elucidate just what I mean by this whole convenience factor thing I'm talking about. For instance, I find it highly insulting when people conveniently remember that I have a few (and by few I mean very few) writing skills, especially when they need help figuring out what to write for a report, letter, card, etc...you know all that crap that needs words in there. But then when I want to get an opinion on what people think of something I've written I get this 'Oh send it I'll read it and get back to you' (and they never do) response or, 'Oh yeah I don't like reading stuff much' response. Well hows about next time you have shit to write, you figure it out for yourself then? I'm sure you have a remarkable brain that can figure out how to string a few words together into sentences, 'cuz after-all isn't that your summarized version of what I do? Things in life are a 2 way street people, you need to understand that, or I need to understand that people don't deserve even a fraction of a second of my time, concern or attention as far as their lives are concerned. Just to make it clear, NO I'm not out here trying to push my writing skills, I mean think about it. If I decided to push my skills then trust me it wouldn't be a mere push, it would be a freaking shove and I'd be screaming myself hoarse from every bleeding rooftop. Clearly *sigh* I just needed to air out a few thoughts, opinions, observations and concerns.

This post isn't about evoking some latent or dormant sense of promoting world peace or unity or wonderful schnazz of the sort. If that were the point then I would be working for the UN and I wouldn't be busting my chops oceans away from home for a dream that I'm trying my damndest best to fulfill. The months away from home have brought a few things into focus, and pushed a few things out of focus as well, hence causing the blurred vision and all that jazz. Being away from home gives you a sense of things, it lets you nurture your perspective about the world that's out there, and about the people that live in that world. I know pieces of who I was have chipped away, there's things that I've lost that I can't ever regain. But a loss is not necessarily a bad thing, it's a survival and defense mechanism that slips into place anytime and every single time you encounter something out of your comfort zone. Actually being away has given me an idea of what I may perceive and perhaps want home to be. In fact, every single time I've headed home for a break, there's always been a moment where I see a shift in how I perceive my surroundings...Every time there's just that lil' extra feeling of feeling like a stranger, an outsider, a guest...like somebody who doesn't belong. They aren't in your face changes, it's always the subtle things that pop up and remind you of those changes.

I guess this journey away from home was a required class in the Life program. There's a few things I do know that I don't want attached to my life tag. I don't want to be the sucker who has to deal with all the emotional BS some people go through 'cuz they can't get their act and shit together, even if they themselves know that the BS they're talking about is absolutely ridiculous. I can't be the last person on your list of friends who gets to be used as your first choice when ludicrousness and stupidity is involved...well I would give a damn and would be involved if the same courtesies were extended this way as well. So thank you for the shut eye, plugged ear sessions, where I might as well have spoken to a wall and received the same answers that I received from you. I know I'm an ungrateful fiend, but fudgecakes and fishsticks, I don't care! (You probably might need a lotta minties after that though...I'm just saying, just in case you decided to dip those fishsticks in some garlic sauce or something)

Well in other notes and sidelines...having more than 1 blog is a rather interesting experience. Seeing how I'm trying to keep the focus strictly streamlined to my writing/creative process with my other blog, it's a little difficult sometimes, 'cuz we all know how I get carried away. Heck I proofread those posts the way I used to proofread my term papers :S....which is kinda cool 'cuz sometimes I can clearly see how the segue has nothing to do with the topic at hand. It's been entertaining trying to edit the flow of thoughts generated by brain, somedays it's super hyperactive 'cuz it has ideas for both blogs...however that hyperactivity seems to kick in most, around exam time...which kinda is a bummer. None the less there are a few projects I'm contemplating working on, and it should be interesting to see how they turn out, well depending on if they ever do. At the moment though, working on both blogs feels like I have a dual personality, so while working on 1 I'm consciously editing out anything that might be more pertinent to the other one. I wouldn't be surprised if I wound up being diagnosed with schizophrenia or dissociative identity disorder one of these days.

Well on that note people, have yourselves a wonderful weekend and have a fun time recharging for the week ahead. The next time you interact with someone, try and be genuine in your interactions and try not to think of them as a means to an end....we all are human after all and we have that thing that the mesolimbic system heads up called emotions that tend to get in the way. Yeah and when that crappy thing called emotions gets in the way it's a real pain in the arse 'cuz it makes you think, evaluate, re-evaluate, ponder, reflect and go outta your mind. Don't do that to yourself; save yourself the trouble and try and add essence of genuinity in the way you conduct yourself...and making people feel like a convenience rather than someone worthy of your time and attention gives rise to some serious self-image, self-esteem and self-respect issues. Now that's something you do not want future generations to learn from us, the worst fatalities of such issues are children, and the earlier they start having these self-esteem issues the harder it gets for them to deal with obstacles and challenges that life serves up. To be one with the world, you gotta find if not create that one connection that will allow the world to sync with you...so either find it or create it.

Transitioning Trials

It's all about change...everything in life always is about change. Without change we'd cease to exist...it's strange but true, the wheels of change are always spinning despite our ignorance, our actions and the consequences of those actions. Now, since I started with such a grand opening statement you'd think I'd have something worthwhile to talk about...yeah..no don't get your hopes up too much there folks. This is me taking a break from the brain bashing I've been undergoing...as much as I'd love to talk about the uncertainty and nervousness said brain bashing exercises are eliciting within, I guess I'll probably save that for another time.

None the less, before I get carried away with too many tangents, I just wanted to make a brief little announcement of sorts. As you all know, I do love wreaking this verbal havoc upon everyone, and so as a result of all that carnage I have decided to expand my blog frontiers. In not so many words, I've started up a blog out at WordPress, but that doesn't mean I'm gonna shut this one out anytime soon, or phase it out for that matter. This year I made a decision of sorts, I'm looking to push my writing a little more, a little more expression, cross a few more boundaries and limits. The blog on WordPress will consist of my inane ramblings, but, it will be more or less for my creative compilations, like my poetry....perhaps my reviews and perhaps stories. I'm still contemplating the story idea, 'cuz let's face it who is gonna sit there and read through a maelstrom of words? I've always had plans as far as my writing was concerned, in terms of completing a set number of poems or at least one story on a yearly basis...but last year after completing a few interesting and unanticipated ideas I decided that this year I just had to try something new...probably something unexpected as well.

So, for those of you who might be interested slightly (hell even if you aren't)...I'll be posting my personal compositions/compilations on there, and feel free to check it out and leave me some feedback. It's gonna take a little time to set up just because I'm in the middle of quite a few things *insert final exam prep*, but it definitely is a fun project for me to work on when I take my study breaks. The link to my other blog is as follows;


http://thotfaktoree.wordpress.com

It's a fascinating yet scary endeavor of sorts for me, but hey it's my first creative adventure for 2012, so I guess that definitely is something to celebrate. Oh and if you're heaving a sigh of relief and going *phew no more of this ranting and rambling here*...ain't happening bub!!! None the less, I just wanted to cue you guys in to this mini update, and I hope you'll join me on this fun adventure out there on WordPress. It'll be a slow and steady process, key words being 'slow' and 'steady.' Updates might take a while on there, but it definitely will happen! I hope you're all having a fantastic week, and hey guess what?! Friday's almost here, and for some of you Friday is already here...so celebrate the Festive Friday spirit and have yourselves a wonderful weekend!!!

Ps: I still don't own any of these images, the creators who make my life easier created 'em. Thank you creators!

Iris

Allo allo people! I'm back, yet again!...So...don't groan and roll your eyes...again. Apparently I've been bitten by a bug of sorts, that's causing me to process and produce words out on to my virtual canvas/slate, more often than I have in the recent past. Now this post isn't about that awesome and classic Goo Goo Dolls song titled 'Iris' but it definitely had a role to play with this composition. This post is actually a poem, well in all honesty it's a chapter to a story I've been working on. I'm not sure if you folks remember the post I had on here last year titled 'Numb' which was also a poem & chapter to that story. So without any further delay, I give you 'Iris-Through the Looking Glass' yet another installment of Bells & Whistles. Definitely lemme know what you guys think and have an awesome week up ahead!

Iris 

Chills…

Prickling chills.

Seeking their little
thrills,

Down my spine.

Down through my soul,

Wherein lay a void,

A big gaping hole…

A vice icy grip,

Around a heart;

That lay there…

Broken, shattered,

Crushed and scattered.

It lay around,

Waiting to be collected,

Or else dispersed
and blown…

Out there, into the
unknown.

Shrouding and clouding
my sanity;

Yet, the only welcome
reprieve,

During days so bleak.

Wherein neither heart,

Nor mind,

Had a voice of it’s own to
speak.

The only ember,

The only spark,

That breathed life…

A fire fanning itself,

Into a will…so broken by
defeat,

So overwhelmed, by
failure.

A spark that stoked the
fires,

Till they were raging;

Seeking and screaming!

To fight back!

To never accept defeat.

To reclaim once again,

What once was,

What once belonged.

And to once again,

Walk the path of that road,

Which was meant to be,

And best meant for me.

SJ

Oh and one more thing! Yes copyright conundrums and all, I don't own the pix that I upload on here...I don't have those fancy shutterbug skills yet, so please don't get yer knickers in a knot for use of images. Thank you original creator of these wonderful visual aids/pix for enhancing the personality of my posts.