Stoic Stillness

I would like to kick-start this post with a saying from the great Khalil Gibran, he was a man of great wisdom and every word of his is not without deep meaning and they are treasures worth sharing with the world.

"Out of suffering have emerged the strongest souls; the most massive characters are seared with scars."


The last few days have been something along the lines of refractive more than reflective, I was trying to see the 'light' with the lights off, all I learned from that enlightening experience was that I could only get blinder :P. So, I turned on the light and voila gained my simple wisdom with the flick of a switch. That bit of enlightenment isn't something you sit around waiting for expectantly, but at the same time sitting and waiting for it to come on isn't gonna do much good either 'cuz you can keep waiting and you might wait a lifetime before it comes on. So what does my neither here neither there theory with an inconclusive observation have to do with my diffraction and pretty much anything? Well, for one it helped or rather I guess is still helping me through my phase, it's been something that I've been dealing with for a while actually, I just never realized how long my mind was actually at the diffractive dilemma. I guess it got tired and decided to snag my conscious into the scenario in an attempt to stem the flow of darkness and destructive capabilities that I tend to carry with me. As a response to any potential thoughts and opinions contrary to above statements, let me just say that I've witnessed, experienced and seen the trail I've left behind, not a very pretty sight, but I guess thank you for thinking otherwise...I guess one has to witness what they are capable of in order to keep themselves in check, and in order to minimize destruction. Believe that when things go outta control and outta hand and you're left there thinking, what the fuck? how, why and when? and you shake your head in disbelief, there ain't gonna be no 'Yoda' to come pull you out of your conundrums and confusion.

It's easy to say leave the past where the past is at and learn from the past to progress into the future, but honestly, how many of us leave the past behind like the past tense? I'm gonna be bold and assume hardly too many of us. I mean hell, look at the world we're living in currently people. If anything history has shown us the darkest side of ourselves ever imaginable where we've lost all form and sense of our consciences and proceeded to slaughter so many because we as people focussed more on our differences rather than the strands, threads and links that bind us together. The world is still being further divided today, and what the fuck are we all doing 'bout it? That's right, Jack Shit, I'm just as guilty as the rest of the world; the world we live in is so caught up with it's own pace and speed and need to outclass, outdo and outshine that somewhere along that line of overdoing things and ourselves we've forgotten to look at what our initial goals, dreams and targets ever were. We forget the very spark of motivation that once made us believe that life was something worth living for. Anyway, I do digress, but if we haven't learned shit from history then how do we learn from our pasts? I think I may have just contradicted myself with the history issue, 'cuz clearly in this case we HAVE forgotten our pasts and just marched on into the future making the same oopsies and whoopsies that we did before. A few years ago I decided I'd adopt the whole neither forgive nor forget routine of things, the first part of course was the hardest for me, I mean hey mi madre's analogy of the kinda person I am is that I'm the equivalent of a door-mat so I guess you can take a stab at how sorta kinda hard it was for me to not do the forgiving. So, I scrapped that plan and decided I just wouldn't give a damn about things or people anymore, I mean hey that way there's less chances of heart pieces and soul pieces of yourself being ripped to shreds, bits and pieces. You know that way, you stop yourself from being played around with, and being the universe's biggest joke, well okay universe is kinda big but hey everyone's life is their own universe....we're all galaxies and solar systems in motion. So, the genius mind of mine came up with the simplest plan just don't care and nothing can break you more than yourself. So, like the way I've been for most of my current orbitting existence, I became a shadow which wasn't too hard for me to do, 'cuz drifting along unnoticed isn't something I'm new to. What a fool I was, I hadn't realized then that either way it didn't matter 'cuz the world still kept dancing and frolicking away to it's own beat, rhythm and tune. I'm the kinda person who will find every alternative to fix something if it's broken, sadly the only thing I can't seem to fix is myself, you know they have that whole series of how to fix yourself schnazz that those self improv gurus totally profit out of? Maybe one day, some day I might write one of those books, and I'm pretty sure mine will be the non profitable one :P. I spent a few years trying to fix things so they'd go back to being what they were, never realizing I should've bid my adieu's a long time ago 'cuz those moments were never coming back. Instead I spent more time, trying harder, thinking harder, reflecting harder, banishing myself to a self imposed exile, when instead I could've used that time to build more beautiful, blossoming bridges. But oh well, what's done is done 'en it? No regrets either way though. So then why the hell am I going into such long drawn thoughts about what might be nothing to most you...well 'cuz they are my thoughts lol, that you're being subjected to read, so yeah apologies. Recently, I felt I had a chance to atone for some damage and destruction I contributed to at a time and age that feels and seems like a lifetime ago. But, the word atonement is something far easier to say and type out, than it is to process, experience and undergo. Like a happy little puppy, I grabbed onto my chance and didn't see the right hook coming, and *BAM!* knocked me off my ride and was a good reminder of that harsh light of reality that is pretty damn good at picking out the shadows.

Funny, twisted thing about life though is that it gives you that choice of either being suppressed, repressed and restricted by the weight of your sins OR to pick yourself back up with all those chains tying you down and to plow forward and break them chains one at a time until you're as free as the free-est spirit. Of where this journey will take me I'm not sure, but what I do know is that I'm probably one of the luckier shadow travellers who has a lotta love, faith and support coming from some amazing people. I've never understood why and I guess I probably never will, must be one of those cosmic mysteries that none of them astronauts and cosmonauts can solve.

Well folks, this is all I got time for at the moment, I kinda have some pending things to take care of, like the Season Premiere of Smallville :D, woohoo, Season 10 is here, which makes me both happy and sad, seeing as how this is the final season :(. You were well worth the 10 years Smallville and you will be greatly missed, at least by me...perhaps a spin-off might make me happy, but I dunno it's too early to draw any conclusions. Knowing something so amazing is coming to an end makes me sad but hey all good things must come to an end, and I hope it goes out with a fantastic bang :). Until then there's the whole season to enjoy and relish :D. Take care people, and good luck too all of ya'll for tests, exams, work issues, job hunts, hitting dead ends and rutts in life...there is a light, know it don't sit there waiting for it. Work keeps us honest to ourselves and to what and where we see ourselves, so work on seeing the light, must be a fuse problem or the wrong bulb :), but that light will shine it's way down to ya, it's a matter of the right place and the right time. Cheers.

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: One More Day
Singer/Band: VAST
Album: April
Release Date: October 16, Circa 2007

Song: Nature Boy
Singer/Band: Kerli
Album: Smallville Season 10, as featured on the Season 10 promo
Release Date: Well in all it's epic-ness, September 2010

Melancholic Mumblings

Many things have been said and written about love, a few about friendship but there was something very eloquent and succinct that I came across about friendship that struck a deep deep chord within me. It was actually posted on Paulo Coelho's fb page . I wish I could write something that succinct and effective, but hey if there's one thing I'm sure of at the moment, it would be my inability to keep things short and sweet. A boon or bane? Dunno yet, so far I've been able to limit the exposure to very few people and they're too nice to say 'Dude! Stop bludgeoning us with your words *groan*. They have been such compliant and patient people, so thank you guys, and before I digress any further, here's the link to that story....I hope you guys enjoy it as much as I did :),

http://paulocoelhoblog.com/2010/09/16/10-sec-read-why-are-you-crying-eng-espa-port/

Well the way this post had started Yeah I'm having me one of those days, ish, I mean last night was great but every great day/night/moment has to come to an end right? Right at this very moment I feel like that Christmas ornament/wreath that comes out once a year or once in a while to grace you with it's presence and to remind you of that wonderful feeling of warmth, joy, of family and security and support but then when Christmas comes and goes bye bye ornament and thank you for stopping by. See-ya next time when I need you back out. In the morning I had a different analogy for it, I called it the dish-rag analogy and I felt like one too. Insecurity? Maybe, who knows man? If I had an answer to that question then what the hell would I be doing here? I'd be out there counseling every Tom, Dick and Harry or every Tara, Diane and Harriet out there minting me some money. Instead, I'm building myself into a hole that's more than six feet under in bankruptcy.

No, I'm not having a who am I? And what's my purpose here? dilemma, I'm having a, Really? Am I really doing this again? Is it for better or worse? Will this time actually be different? I guess my heart strings and mind strings called all excited and happy to see something that was quintessential come back to it, but then there's always that whisper in the shadows that goes, Really? That's what you though would happen last time as well, but did it? And here I thought I had overthought myself to the point of exhaustion but apparently that's not true, apparently there's always more room for thoughts. My day started off in the weirdest way possible, I had dreams of things that didn't seem plausible, at least not in this current universe, maybe it was my portal/gate/looking glass into an alternate universe where this actually happened. It is sad though, as to how some dreams just may never come true, no matter how much you wished it would. I did contemplate taking a hiatus from here, but that wouldn't sit well with me 'cuz I sure as hell do have some more fire left in that fire hole where the writing spews from, to keep writing a few more posts. The day I decide to end this lil' thing here, one of 2 things could possibly happen. 1) It might be the longest post I would have EVER written or 2) It might be the shortest post ever, so I guess you can groan and moan all you want about the verbal onslaught, but as of now the slaughterhouse is open :P.

Anyway, I'd love to stay and dwell on things some more out here, but, I started this post in the morning between classes, so I'd really like to end it before I hit the proverbial sack/hay...no not a sack of hay, cuz that would tickle me a lil' too much. None the less, I hope you're all having a much better day than I have and if not I hope things work out and look better by the time your day ends :). Take care peepz and have a happy happy HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!!! Enjoy the weekend and have a blast and I shall catch up with ye all wenever it is I do. Oh on the plus side I did discover some good music today :D so I guess that was the plus side...yay I guess. Cheers people and take care of yourselves :)

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Maiyya Yashoda (Thames Mix)
OST: Jhootha Hi Sahi
Release Date: Circa, 2010

Song: Gal Mitthi Mitthi
OST: Aisha
Release Date: Circa, 2010

Motivation and all that other Moronic Mumbo Jumbo

Well procrastination is usually the word used to describe a person's non motivational abilities to sit and study...I however, am not procrastinating and yes I'm aware denial is the first sign of admittance, BUT this is not procrastination, this at least for me is an outlet. This semester at school seems to be in not so many words, a Herculean task...now see Hercules was at least a freaking demi-god, I'm just mere mortal, unless there's something my parents aren't telling me, in which case they better tell me sooner than later. And by sooner, I mean right 'bouts now would be fantastic!

So since procrastination and outlets seem to be key phrases in the previous paragraph, I got one for you guys. What's your inspiration? What motivates you to do the things you do? To keep pluggin' n chuggin'? Okay sorry I shall rectify the statement before the questions, I got a few for you guys, the above 3 being a select few outta the barrage of questions that are teeming over in my head. But yeah, what gets your mental engine all revved up to face that thing 'they' call the big bad world everyday? I think what gets it going for me are my visions of the future, or rather of what I want to do in the future. I know this current journey of mine down Akademia Lane ain't gonna end here, in fact this isn't even my final destination. As Robert Frost once so eloquently said in one of his poems, "I've got miles to go before I sleep." Though, I must admit, I do LOVE my sleep :(, and I think at this current point in time it might be a luxury. But, I guess in order to make a few things we hold close to our hearts come true we gotta make a few sacrifices huh? Actually, I don't even know if those dreams/visions I have will be fulfilled, some people may call them ambitious, but to me it just seems like common sense. And of course, what I'm doing at this juncture in life is going to play a major role in some of the things that I would like to do. I guess it's a matter of time, seeing how it's one of the major players in our constant evolution as people and beings. Timing and place, those are two factors that are irreversible and unchange-able. I mean I'm sure time has graced us all with it's eternal scars, reminders of the fires we walked through, of heart breaks and broken dreams and fairy tales. But, lets not forget the flip side to them eternal scars shall we? I mean if anything it has also blessed us with some of the most amazing memories, nah the word memories seems insufficient and too much of an understatement to describe the greatest moments of our lives. It sure as hell is an amazing bookmark back to the times spent with people who have left ginormous footprints on our hearts and souls. The neutral nature of time makes it both a boon and bane, but I guess instead of focusing on the bane, we really should appreciate the boon-ful aspects huh? But humans being humans, don't necessarily always dwell on the most amazing things that have come to pass, I mean to me the most amazing times seem like the shortest lived times in life. If I were to stop and think about it, I can reflect on some of my most memorable times, by reflect I guess I mean I can re-live it and re-experience most of it all within the span of a blink of an eye. I do consider myself as a neutral if not calm person, at least from an external perspective, but that's like saying that's my astrally projected self's view of myself. Internally though, I know how much of a broken and toxic person I am, and I think it's the combination of living with that fact and fighting it that gets me going on a daily basis.

Yes I am aware that as human beings, we are our biggest critics, let me just clarify that I'm not criticizing myself but just stating the starkest of all truths about myself. That, and hoping and praying that people don't turn out like me are things that keep me going usually, it's a reason to see another sunrise, another sunset and in not so many words exist. If you're sitting there wondering, what the hell that's so selfish!, then take it from me don't waste your time. And believe me, you're better off not knowing what you don't know, if you do have to know then there is a time and place when that will happen. Not everybody knows everything about people, and sometimes it's better to just let people assume they know everything about you. That's not supposed to sound as bleak as it does, but I say that because, sometimes knowing the entire and absolute truth about a person can have consequences and people have to be prepared. Very few, and by very few I mean very very very very few, it's like a limited edition lol, know absolutely everything about me. It's not a trust issue, it's because I know how if not what the reaction would be, and so I choose neither to overburden nor overwhelm with a barrage of information. Heck I a'ready do that with words on this outlet :P, so why assault with more verbal diarrhea right?

None the less, I must get back to my current reality and keep my dates with my other words, the akademick ones i.e., and not leave them heart broken, 'cuz we all know "Hell hath no fury than words and books scorned." Trust me peepz, books hate you more than women do if they're scorned and ignored :|...'tis a sad and painful truth lol. Well it's been a fun time typing, I usually don't remember what I started out with in the beginning, but, I think I remember this time around haha. My motivation comes from knowing one, a few or some of you read this and get some sorta kick outta readin' it lol. If it amuses me, that's just f'ing AWESOME, if it doesn't then hey too bad deal with it, nobody held you at gun point and forced you to read it :P. Take care peepz, have yourselves an amazing day, if not an amazing week. Good luck to all of you starting out on the road to your new endeavors, and to all of ya'll who are gonna start up new endeavors but dunno 'bout it just yet. You never know what surprises are lurking around to get you your stairway to cloud 9 :). Cheers and catchya on here next time, whenever that is :).

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Collide
Artist/Band: Dishwalla
Album: Dishwalla
Release Date: May 15, Circa 2005

Song: Iris
Artist/Band: The Goo Goo Dolls
OST: City of Angels
Album: Dizzy Up The Girl
Release Date: April 27, Circa 1998

Song: Chalka Chalka Re
OST: Saathiya
Release Date: October 29, Circa 2002

Bamboozled

So here I am back again, serving you up with another mega dose of ramblings...which might provide you with as much reading discomfort as it does provide me with typing comfort. If that sentence sounds funky go figure, I just woke up a lil' while ago and the whole world still does seem a lil' blurry to me, well I guess that would also be 'cuz I'm typing this sans my optical assistants. It's been a week of trials and triumphs :D, so I guess a totally T-licious week, besides being a congested one. And yes I was and still am fighting the ultimate battle against good and evil...Me v/s Congestion from cold/flu and what not. Of course there has been plenty of time for my head to reel in reflective moments through this haze of congestion during the hours that I'm actually alive lol, and that has NOT been something I've enjoyed. Reflection is one thing, but constant reflection is not exactly the healthiest thing to do, but unfortunately the circuitry in my brain is just tangled and messed up.

Well last week's dosage was a lil' on the strong side but the ingnoramus in people really ticks me off. People complain 'bout not progressing, not moving ahead, I mean how the hell do you expect to do so if you keep waiting for someone else to make that first move? Anyway, I'd love to say I'm leading a cushy life and all that, but that would just be me being full of myself, the only major problem I have is the weight of my expectations, as I perceive from the parental unit and from myself, upon my shoulders. I've been the proverbial 'black sheep' too often that I'm hoping I won't wind up as the 'black sheep' in this current endeavour of mine. Which brings me to a question, what is it that really drives us as human beings? By that I don't want to get into gross anatomy or some sort of neurological response to stimuli of sorts, that's not what I'm looking for. What drives us all to do the things we do? and more importantly Why do we do the things we do? Is it for love? fear? obligation? duty? or some form of responsibility? How often do you wake up feeling as empty and devoid of every other emotion as one is capable of only to feel the weight of an immense inexplicable sadness weigh you down? Which makes you go okay, wait wtf just happened? I mean it really is a very annoying start to the day if you ask me.

On other notes, however, I did clear up the first level of many levels yet to come on my current journey/endeavour. This upcoming first half however, doesn't seem all that people friendly. I think academically it's gonna be quite the obstacle course for me, and I can feel the twinge of excitement and nervousness course and seep away through my blood. I might not be able to post up as much as I do want to, purely due to time constraints but I will try my best, gotta somehow make it to that 50 mark :P, first 50 of achievement lol. Now if you thought I was the Chief of Verbal Carnage, you ain't seen nothing yet!! Try my Neuroanatomy proff, dang that man knows how to re-define verbal diarrhea, he takes it to a whole new level. I think pretty soon my brain will be the one on a tray that shall be dissected and poked and prodded lol. I guess I won't feel the pressure as much if I decide to dedicate a part of my time over the weekends to 2 special projects that have been wandering and roaming about in my head space over the years and yes I do take a while transferring things to paper, well these days, Word. But I don't like rushing stories and things of the sort, if you rush it you lose the initial magic that stimulated it and then you hit a rutt and you're either stuck in it or you manage to do something extremely cliched that doesn't set the cliche apart from other cliches.

Anyway kids, sorry this has to be this short, perhaps later today I'll actually sorta kinda have mental clarity of sorts to post something more coherent, damn this congestion....everything looks foggy and cloudy :|...noooo!!!!!!!! must get better before major CRUNCH time begins :(. Take care ye all and I hope nobody's fallen sick yet, if you have make sure you take your meds and also make sure you get a few hugs, even if it's from your teddy bear lol, them damn hugs are bloody magical and make a hell of a difference!!! A'ite ciao fer now and catchya on here next time :D, cheersies!

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Whataya Want From Me
Artist/Band: Adam Lambert
Album: For Your Entertainment
Release Date: November 20, Circa 2009

Song: Shadow of the Day
Artist/Band: Linkin Park
Album: Minutes to Midnight
Release Date: October 16, Circa 2007

Ps: Oh!! Does anyone know how to get the ink on an engraved piece on a ring replaced/refilled? I think mine might be wearing out and I do oh so love this ring :(.

Stop, Play, Pause...

Well the first week of akademia is done and I'm not quite sure how I feel, I do know that I'm craving to be home sooner than later, sooner as in tomorrow if possible lol. Unfortunately my private jet orders got lost under a pile of other such papers, so yeah it looks like I'm gonna have to wait a while before anything happens. Oh akademia, love it hate it it knows how to make your mind work...which may not necessarily be a bad idea, considering the whole 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop' and all *rolls eyes*. An idle mind is a peaceful, content mind that has received a lotta sleep :D.

Man I manage to catch glimpses of the news every now and then in the midst of studying, seeing how I have my iGoogle page doing that for me and seriously, WHAT THE HELL is wrong with people in the world? No wonder nobody ever has any optimism for peace, compassion or understanding. The world seems to be generating more retarded, backward, narrow minded assholes than is necessary, which in turn just makes our world and our future seem bleak, gloomy and non progressive. And you have school boards and other boards saying how the future for our current generation's future looks bleak and unfriendly and all that other jazz on the one hand and then due to our technological advances and scientific breakthroughs how the future looks friendly. Seriously, get your bloody acts together people. Anyway, before I go into a segue of sorts with school boards and all of them, seriously, what is going on with the world? In order to show them terrorists something you decide to burn the Quran? Really? And that too these are the words of wisdom coming from a pastor? It doesn't matter if he's considered a nobody because he has around 30 followers, the point is not the number of followers he has, its the fact that there are people who harbour if not share his sentiments. I mean what are you going to get outta burning pages? Better yet what are you going to get from burning what sections of the global population consider the book of God? That too by a religious head of a sister faith or one of the branches of the apparent Holy Trinity of faiths? I mean c'mon Christianity, Islam and Judaism are recognized among if not within each other, they recognize each other as true faiths because they follow a religious book of sorts, and the rest of the faiths supposedly don't, but anyway that's not the point. All 3 faiths preach the word of God and the word of the G-man does not say burn the books ye heathens for if thee heart or soul which lies in thy family, thy fellow brethren and thy friends ever be struck by the hand of man or a brother or sister then thou must taketh upon thyself to seek vengeance by condemning them and their beliefs, for they art not my children but the children of sin, and ultimately the children of Satan and therefore everything they believe in must be purged from this world and then the world will be cleansed of the foul existence of such vile creatures.

I mean really c'mon!!! The G-man has better things to do than to have people show their faith in him by doing things that are so ridiculously immature. Have we not seen the world being ripped enough a'ready? Have we not learned anything from history? It's a shame if we haven't, then what's the point of this existence? Besides, lets be realistic, this isn't the first incident in the world where a religious text is/will/has or would have been burned, its happened before, I'm sure the Bible has been burned, as well as the Gita and the Torah and all the other religious texts out there. The only difference is it never received as much coverage as this particular event did, considering how today marks the day where the fanaticism and religious extremism reared it's ugly head. I don't care about the blame game with religions, in fact its not even 'bout religions, which doesn't mean I'm an atheist, oh I'm religious a'ite, I just don't find a need to say how my religion is the coolest of them all and totally kicks everyone else's ass. Somewhere down the line of preaching, religion turned into a political weapon, a weapon to wield to rule nations, to bring down nations, to mindlessly orchestrate genocides, mass murder and trigger horrendous acts that one would never imagine mankind was capable of.

It disgusts me knowing that above that multicultural, diverse layer that all them 'big wigs' preach and boast of there lies a nice thick, dense layer of discrimination and prejudice. Talk is cheap, if you want to make sure that it sticks then you gotta be ready to practise what you preach and take the risks and chances involved in doing so. If we can't do that, and we can't set an example then there is no way that the future is gonna get any friendly and that future generations are gonna learn from the mistakes of our past. The first lesson that children, heck why limit it to the kids, the first lesson people should learn is that of acceptance. Accepting an individual completely and wholly for who they are, for what they believe in, its the concept of acceptance as a whole rather than accepting a few things and rejecting if not discarding the rest that I'm trying to emphasize out here. Nobody should ever have to feel limited nor do they have to ever settle for less for themselves, because that's what they know they're appreciated for. Sky really is the limit, yeah I know I sound like a resident of that place called Utopia, but really how often have you felt limited by what you could or could not do? Acceptance doesn't make you perfect, it allows you to look at people as a whole rather than microscopically. And you know what? It never is too late to learn acceptance, that's just the beauty of being a human being. Your mind, soul, and heart are always constantly evolving, changing and growing. Don't do yourself the injustice of not growing as a person, it adds more colour, vibrance and zest not only to your personality but to every moment and memory you live in and help to create. Right after acceptance, we need to learn to be more Accomodating. Instead of having pissing contests with each other to prove one's ability to be oversmart and sly among other things, we should learn to acknowledge and respect each others' strengths and weaknesses. You never know when sometimes all people need is just someone who will listen to them and not judge them. Humankind's biggest fear is that of judgment, heck to be honest with you yeah I do worry 'bout how people will judge me if I do things a certain other way or if I do certain other things that may not necessarily be at the top of their 'cool' list. I can't help it but hey I do try to work on it. I'm not saying it's something that will *poof* vanish in a day or so, all I'm saying is work with it so it does not give you tunnel vision, and limit you from giving you all into making your life a worthwhile experience. Wouldn't you rather exit stage left from this world, when the time comes, holding on to memories you cherish rather than holding on to regrets, strife and grief?

Anyway, I'm not going to get into this too much, because you guys aren't stupid, and none of these things are unknown nor unheard of to you. It would be nice if there was more hope in this world for people to look forward to and call reality than the gloomy stark gray clouds of bleakness that we currently shake our heads at and accept as reality. On that note, I'm gonna end this post here, however, not without a few other notes :P. Firstly Eid Mubarak everyone, I hope you all had a fantastic time with friends and family and that you all got your eidi..haha...c'mon you know you were lookin' forward to that. Secondly, Happy Ganesh Chaturthi everyone!! Especially you G-man, many happy returns of the day to you and thank you fer everything thus far :D. To everyone getting long weekends as a result of these festivities, have a blast, sleep in, celebrate and have an amazing time. Long weekends come in limited quantities so make the most of 'em :D.

Well that's it folks, take care and I hope all is well with each and everyone of ya, all the very best if you have any big life changing things happening at the moment, though we always do have a lil' bit of a life changing moment every day of our lives that ultimately build into an epic life changing moment :P. Have an amazing weekend people, and here's hoping I can survive and live through these upcoming months, which to be quite frank with you do look quite tortuous and gruelling, but I guess you never really know until you go through it :|. Here's to surviving until I get home, peace out and may the force be with ya'll.

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Aas Paas Khuda
OST: Anjaana Anjaani
Release Date: Circa, 2010

Song: Mar Jaawan (Remix, even the originals and the original remix is pretty good, original all the way though :D)
OST: Fashion, however remixed by Dj Wardhan ft. Badmash
Release Date: Circa, 2008

Bittersweet

Have you ever woken up feeling the exact same way you did when you fell asleep, 'cuz when you fell asleep you figured sleep was the best thing to make you feel b8r, but only u woke up and everything was magnified a 100 times more and sleep just knocked you out as a temporary reprieve from all that you were feeling? Holy macaroni Batman, that was one long ass run on sentence, now I see why I wasn't the most astounding student in English :(, oh well you do what you can with what you can right? :P. And besides who came up with the rules and regulations for a run-on sentence? Probably some really bored dude who had nothing better to do than make a language seem aesthetically pleasing. Definitely shudda joined a club, and put those thoughts to other uses, none the less the damage has been done and many countless generations have paid the price since then.

I'm in the mood for a bitter sweet love story, now I can choose to write one and you know mould and meld it however I wanted to, but yeah that would take a while to get done lol, and my patience is running a lil' thin on seeing things delivered from the writing stables. Anyway I digress from whatever it was that I wanted to say. So as may have been observed or not, the last few days have been a reflection on that dang thing called memories, or at least the bittersweet aspect of those damn things Things that were put to sleep, put to rest and that I thought I had travelled far away from seemed to make quite a rockin', shockin' and grand entry back into my current zone of existence. Funny thing 'bout these things called memories is that sometimes ure the only one left re-living them or even thinking 'bout them while those associated with them move on. But that's the thing with memories too now 'en it? What you hold dear may mean nothing at all to someone else, but what someone else holds dear may not mean much to you...I guess that is kinda crummy to the parties involved :|. My brain came to a reasonable, rational and logical understanding, however, that darn thing called the heart apparently believes in going 'round in nutso meaningless circles and wasting time. I mean after all dear heartsy u gotta save up some time and space for all those future heart making and breakin' situations. So seriously, get off your current high horse and look to the future, don't worry the future has enough and more opportunities like the current one for you to return to that status, and you won't know or feel any of it unless you leggo of the present moment. The future's looking opportunistically friendly.

Wow, I just wrote a letter for my heart, things can definitely not get any more stranger than this lol, okay for me perhaps not, but hey I wouldn't know 'bout you guys, I'm sure you've got something happening right this moment. Moving along, I watched the current finale episode of Leverage, have I mentioned how much I LOVE that freakin' show?! *sigh* must wait till December, while that does seem far far away, on the other hand it's closer to the time I'll be heading back home...booyakasha! Okay just so we're clear, I'm not procrastinating what I'm doing is working off some extra energy, burning a few calories and things of the sort. My fingers need the exercise and the coordination practise :D.

Man the best part is, the weather out here is a reflection of the way I've been feeling, although I do LOVE this weather, perfect breezes and wonderful rain. Of course on top of all that, my personal train a.k.a my wheezing came to visit me recently, so I'm trying to fight that dang thing off like there's no tomorrow. Good thing I brought my inhaler-thingamajiggs with me. Take that weather change and all those things that wanna take a shot at my lungs, not that I doubt you won't but for now 'Victory is mine!!!!' muahahaha *wheeze*, okay Imma ease up on the jubilant cries of victory until I know for a fact that its gone and has left me alone. Damn you wheezing, go find someone else to bother, and Oye! You there! Yeah you the someone else o'er there, have your inhalers/puffer/gadgets and devices ready!

A'ite so goin' back to what I was saying 'bout memories and things of the sort, what I figured out was there really ain't no point in having any 'cuz you can only stop and stare at it, you can't change it, you can't do anything different 'bout it. Yeah sure all the smarty pants in the world tell you its not 'bout yesterday but 'bout what you do today that makes your tomorrow. Yes I do believe in that, but I just don't wanna hear that today. My yesterdays, yeah sure they helped me become who I am; I mean if re-modelling and re-shaping yourself is the point of memories then the memories that hurt shouldn't be that hard to look back at right when you do re-visit them? I mean you basically worked on making yourself stronger and indifferent to them right? So then why the hell doesn't it hold true? I'm not a natural born pessimist, I can be quite pessimistic but it really does bite when you know where you could've fixed things, and how you could've made things way better and when you actually see things, and the moments much more clearly than you did before. Only, by then that train's left the station and all you're left holding, are those last few grains of sand that not a lil' while ago was a fistful of sand. I think its even worse when you know you've been played, heck all you can do then is to laugh at yourself and laugh at the cards dealt to you by fate. If I could change things one thing I would do is walk the opposite direction from this one individual that I met after or maybe before an exam of mine back in Undergrad. Well maybe I'd walk back and clock 'em in the face for all the shit in the years to follow. But what's the point, knowing my best friend Karma, it would come right back to kick me harder lol. Oh well, can't control that which you feel, nor that which you can clearly see but others can't and that you wish they would. Or maybe they do, but the memories of a distant not so happy past just make it a lil' harder to act on 'em and do nething bout 'em.

This has been a very skewed if not childish and naive perception, but hey sometimes you gotta let that lil' naive spirit within you blossom and flow out. Its like letting that lil' kid who seems restless run around and round till they drop down exhausted and fall asleep. Let the soul train ride out it's journey and perhaps hope that in time all will be well. Anyhoo kids, I gotta go get some business taken care of, to all of ya'll embarkin' on an akademik journey, all the best with everything in the upcoming yea, I hope you all kick some major arse with tests, exams. And here's sum'n people forget to say, I hope the akademic year ahead brings about some of the happiest moments/memories and bonds that you can possibly form. Here's a lil' hope for that beautifuly, confuzzling yet profound thing called friendship. I hope you all find those souls/people you've been waiting for/looking for. Cheers and until next time be good and study hard or hardly :P Oh and don't deprive yourself of entertainment, entertainment makes the world a much b8r place to live in :D.

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Tujhe Bhula Diya
OST: Anjaana Anjaani
Release Date: Circa, 2010

Song: Tik Tok
Artist: Ke$ha
Album: Animal
Release Date: August 7, Circa 2009

Rumbles, Raves and Rants...Oh look it's an alliteration!

For never so much has the power of memories been so enriching yet so debilitating, that all they leave behind are sensations far more potent than the metallic tinged acrid remains of this thing called life that we currently lead. As depressing as that sounds, it's true, okay you can change the wordings and perhaps the visualizations visualized to one of pink unicorns and green fields and all that good stuff, but end of the day the bottom line is that memories are potent, and almost intoxicating..well no not just intoxicating the damn things can be extremely toxic. I would've thought I learned a few lessons by now by letting myself get attached quite emotionally to things. I tend to forget often that the amount I invest into something, be it a thought, an idea, a bond or whatever, is not necessarily matched nor recognized by the 'other' party per se. It's understandable, and perhaps a good thing that the same amount of enthusiasm, investment and thinking isn't put in, 'cuz the G-man knows its more than enough to have just one of me in the picture. I mean can you imagine more people like me? That would be enough cause for the caution and warning bells to go off the world over. For never will the world be the same if it is cast in my shadow, well I do have a few reasons, I'll give you the first one,

a) Not everyone is manufactured to be 'bout my height, so we have some variations in that area to deal with.
b)Not everyone comes armed and ready to fire with my ammunition of words, I mean c'mon those of you who read this, know this is verbal carnage.

So imagine, keeping the image of verbal carnage in mind, what it would be like to have more of me :|...dude the freakin' UNO would cease to exist. Well, I'd like to add that the source of my verbal carnage really is an off shoot of my brain's need to do anything that has nothing to do with akademia or the world of akademia at this current point in time. Okay, that doesn't look too good, I know, but hey the brain ultimately rules most of the decisions as far as this body is concerned. The heart's kinda worn out, so brain pretty much displaced it and took over controls and tol' heart to shut up and stay in a corner for as long as it possibly could and that it wouldn't see the light of day for a while. I'm telling you this body is completely off it's rockers, heck it resembles my current internet connection.

On other notes, man I hate going to the dentist...Everytime I go there, there's always something that needs to be fixed. Good thing I don't go to a neurosurgeon or a shrink just yet, then I'm sure there would be a lotta constant fixing that would need to be done. Anyway, I do digress, but like I was saying, I freaking hate going to the dentists, but its something I gotta do neway :(. So this time around when I went to the dentist, which was before I headed back to school, they did the cleaning and all that fun stuff the assistant/hygienist was looking at my teeth and was all 'Hmm..hey did your filling crack or chip or anything?' to which I said 'Erm nope, not that I can think of' and then she proceeded to ask me if it hurt and then declared that I had a filling that needed fixing but that she'd let the doc know and get him to check it out and clarify it and how it was a good thing that it hadn't hurt me in any way, shape or form. You know what I find amusing whenever I go to the dentist's office? How they ask you so many questions with implements, tubes and other things shoved in your mouth, and yes I was giving answers with all those things in my mouth, my biggest fear being that I don't swallow that suction tube thing by mistake...then I would choke one way or another :|. Anyway, before I digress like we all know I will, the dentist eventually came in and he was all happy to see me and managed to put Helsinki in Poland and assumed it all to be one big happy place. Now from someone wishing for world peace that's just awesome where every place is one place, but from a more realistic perspective, please don't mess up the geography...I'm sure people from the respective countries would not be happy. Besides a nice refresher on world peace and geography, the dentist proceeds to check my teeth out and then the 'chipped/cracked filling' is brought up and the dentist proceeds to check out the chipper chip and goes into the shrink "hmmm" mode, like my teeth need counselling of sorts. Anyway, he goes "Hmmm that's not a crack nor a chip. Wow in fact I don't think I've ever seen anything like this ever before." And there I was absolutely and completely unable to say Wtf mate? Wat are you talkin' bout? So the best I could do in that moment was to quirk the eyebrows and shrug my shoulders and I think it was then that he remembered that the apparatus he was staring at belonged to me. So acknowledging my futile attempts at trying to figure out wat the heck he was talkin 'bout he goes "Oh you have a perfect hole in your tooth! I've never seen anything like this ever in my whole life, this is so cool!" I had half a mind to tell the man to take a pic and keep it in his office but of course once again I was vocally and orally impaired to say anything of the sort. Then he proceeded to tell me how the hole in one was a result of perhaps me constantly chewing something and how it was just a perfect circle and how it seemed like something may have caught itself and burrowed a hole through my tooth. I did wanna tell him at that point in time that there were no construction crews in my mouth and that if there were any then I'm pretty sure I would've known. He also asked me if I chewed or ground my teeth in my sleep, to which my immediate response was "Erm dunno doc, when I sleep I sleep I don't usually pay attention to other things." Anyway, he fixed said gaping hole, sealed it off and now I'd like to add that my tooth is extremely freaking sensitive, I see stars when I chew sum'n relatively hard on that side :(...I hate going to the dentists :(, everytime I go they seem to have a need to fix something.

Anyway, on other notes, akademia fever starts soon, I think I'm concerned 'bout this upcoming year, it definitely ain't a sweet song to sing lol. Of course like all other things in my life, the start of school season isn't without it's set of complications, in fact there are 2 complexities I need to deal with before my head clears up and focuses on the more important things in life. I really, truly and honestly hope for a positive resolution of the complexities, or else I dunno I think I'm gonna be a tad disappointed. However, there is one other thing that seems to have caught my attention, I can't remember any of this stuff that I read :|, I mean holy jalapenos Superman that ain't a hella lot reassuring :|, not only for the immediate future but also the not so distant future either. I tol' my dadzilla 'bout this stone in the path, and dadzilla was all dude just associate everything you read to everyday objects, like associate some pathway with a stone grinder...My response was erm...dad I don't really have a stone grinder so yeah dunno how that association would work :|, and who the heck uses one these days? Okay no that question might actually have an answer to it, so I retract said question.

A'ite jolly ranchers, I gotta go bond with the books again, wish me luck Imma need a whole lotta it this upcoming week :). And on a closing note I'd like to welcome someone special back from their whirlwind world tour. Hope you had a fantastic time making memories to relive and revisit, going camera crazy and having the time of your life. Know that you were greatly missed by a whole plethora of people, but hey I speak for myself not the plethora Righto kids, well I gotta get back on the study wagon, b4 I decide to go work on a few side projects, one of which I think from the look and feel of things seems promising, so yay I think I might've found sum'n to direct and invest all that excessive energy into...Whee for me I guess. Take care peepz and I hope you guys have a fantastical and phenomenal week ahead, and yeah happy long weekend to you buggers with the Labour day long weekend. Sigh, the things that make one miss home :(. Cheers people.

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Teenage Dream
Singer: Katy Perry
Album: Teenage Dream
Release Date: August 24, Circa 2010

Song: Over My Head
Singer/Band: The Fray
Album: How To Save A Life
Release Date: September 13, Circa 2005

Song: She Is
Singer/Band: The Fray
Album: How To Save A Life
Release Date: September 13, Circa 2005

Blur

Allo allo ladies and gents!! I hope all has been going well for you guys. Apparently I'm 10 short of my half century out here eh? I guess I keep surprising myself, yay so keep 'em surprises coming I guess. But I do have a condition for the surprises, dear surprises please don't be rude awakening ones, I'm kinda tired of those ones. However, if you are headed my way could you please find a detour or sum'n that takes you away from me pretty please? I would b a very happy and grateful child. Thunkers much, and have yourself a nice day.

I've been having some focus issues lately, well actually I told myself I'd get a day off and then it would be back to the grind, well so far my head has told me to screw off and that it wishes to do what it wishes to do. In fact the very head has come up with a diversion tactic to trick my mind into doing work. How it does so is something I will never understand, maybe I'm happier not knowing how it does what it does. You know people aren't complicated, its the minds they possess that are complicated. That's the proverbial if not metaphorical onion whose layers need to be peeled back so as to see or rather understand a person. Well it's not just the mind that makes one complex, and yeah I did say that it isn't people that are complicated, they only exacerbate the complexities of their mind in their own unique way, in other words they personalize their complexity. I'd love to use the word aura right 'bout now, but that would be a definite sign that the book I'm reading is definitely rubbing off on me. I do find the concept of auras highly amusing, entertaining and interesting. I mean associating a colour with a person is one thing, but to be able to see such a distinct change in colour so as to match the person's personality or mood, in my opinion is just a whole other story. And no I'm not tripping just yet, I know I do tend to have the tendency to do so or at least seem to have a tendency to do so, but this is all natural non tripping-ness.

Maybe it's a coping mechanism you know? Maybe it's my mind's way of dealing with Home Sickness or some such of the sort. I dunno this time around it was a lil' harder to leave home behind, and I left feeling incomplete like a piece of me got lost in memories, in what if's and what could be's and in issues unresolved, resolved and then those buried so far in the past that every time I look back all I feel is a whole encompassing feeling of numbness. All I know is that when I look in a mirror all I see is a reflection akin to one I would expect from a cracked mirror. Maybe I'm the one that's cracked or the mirror is, its like the glass half full or half empty analogy, only the cracked mirror or broken people or the million components of people isn't one full of wisdom it's just an image or in my case just a fact. Now I'm not as bleak as I sound, just a lil' more bleaker :P. Have you ever felt that there was some moment, some instance or some aspect of your life that was just incomplete? And in order to compensate for that feeling of incomplete-ness, you overdo things maybe? I dunno, I think I may have overdone things in an attempt to make peace with actions and events of the past. I dunno maybe in a parallel universe things worked like the way I envisioned them, maybe I turned out to be a page turner of an individual or maybe I just turned out to be the worst person to mess 'round with ergo scum of the earth per se, but the sad thing is these are universes only the mind can think of, in view of this current world and the current state of affairs we're in we don't live in such universes and the existence of such universes have not been proven nor established. Using these reasons I try to tell my upper chamber of thought to shut it with all the unwanted and unnecessary noises and thoughts 'cuz what we have right now are not those parallel universes but the current universes we live in. I try to make it understand that what happened happened, what we've lost we've lost and we can never regain that moment of anything wherein 'tis where we lost that closest to us and our hearts. Hoping is one thing, but then when you're smacked in the face with the biting chill of reality....that's when your eyes snap open and take in the sights and sounds you're surrounded by and that's also when your mind comes to life and reminds you some things just cannot be fixed back to the point in time where you want them to be. You can try working at it, but most likely it will never go back to where it was, if anything the only thing that can be done is to create a new level to build things up at. Yeah that means you live with your regrets, you live with your heartbreaks and you work at trying to make the best of things that you have. I should know, I've been trying to, but some days its just better being a shadow than being the living, breathing thing that walks and roams the earth. As a word of advice, try not to have any regrets and if you do have any well try and work it out through conventional methods like I dunno group therapy, friendly confrontations, over compensations or joining a soft ball team, choir group or sum'n or you could try the unconventional methods too where you down a few shots or drown in a few bottles of JD and find comfort in that stinging burning feeling at the back of yer throat or you smoke a few smokes and find comfort in that heaving scratchy weight of the world in your lungs feeling.

Anyway kids, I was trying to make some sense outta this thing I'm currently in, I feel in the truest sense of all senses like the solitary reaper. I feel like the nomad wandering a desert on a quest of sorts, surrounded by nobody and nothing. I wouldn't say limbo is a good or bad thing yet, maybe it's the thing that seems best for me at this moment, I mean who knows what the hell life is thinking? It's all one big game at the end of it all, where you're either a game of checker's, chess or heck even snakes n ladders. The one good thing 'bout my current nomadly status is I got Kvack with me :D, yes I abducted or rather packed Kvack in with my stuff when I left home for the 2nd leg of my journey. Yeah I know pieces of home ain't home but you do what you gotta and you make do with whatever it is that you have. It's just the way of life peepz....in addition to all these thoughts ricocheting in that upper chamber, I've been having some heart pounding almost realistic dreams almost every night that on some days make breathing a chore, and others makes waking up sometimes the hardest and at other times the best thing to do.

A'ite peepz I think I've written enough for now, time for me to go reflect back on sum'n I'm working on. The writing schnazz has been on overdrive mode the last few weeks, I've effectively decided to re-visit an old story idea and try and re-write or re-do, actually I prefer the word refine over re-do. The idea has been a work in progress that went into idle status but has reactivated itself recently, maybe it's the right time to write it. On other notes, I am seriously contemplating publishing some stuff I've worked on, I mean I have enough to publish a poetry title this year, but not sure if I should go through with it or not. What do you guys think? Well lemme know and I'm gonna end on this note. I hope everything is going well with you guys and I hope your summer hasn't been as mind boggling as mine, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Take care and here's wishing you all much luck with everything you gotta deal with. Oh and Happy September! :D Cheers peepz!

Ps: I just realized sum'n, the shortest thing 'bout this post is the title :P oh and the music shall return next time, unless that's what I mentioned in my last post in which case just listen to whatever it is you're listening to and that should suffice as your soundtrack :P.