Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Blink

So while on the road to Reformation, not necessarily Renaissance, as we all know that the Renaissance period was one of the most amazing times for art, architecture, language, religion and culture as a whole...but yeah, like I was saying. While on the road to Reformation, there's one thing that always occurs/happens...those are the road bumps/speed bumps/hurdles/obstacles and fun things of the sort that plop along the way. I'd like to say that I had great hopes, intentions and plans on this path to my Reformation and what not, but, I learned a while ago to keep or rather have zero expectations down this road. I had this moment last weekend where matters of time and essence were circling my head, thoughts from a time ago were percolation and having quite the time percolating in my head. None the less I think most of it came pouring out and like the rest of my reflex systems...what my mind was churnin' and pouring out my hand went into auto pilot mode and started crafting a poem. In my humble opinion though, I think the poem absolutely and totally sucks in all it's entirety...but that's just me and no I haven't done a second read. I do find that to be highly peculiar, I've never exactly re-read a lotta things I write, well the re-reading occurs when I type it up on Word or sum'n, but otherwise I don't do a second read mostly 'cuz my eyebrows quirk and go "Jeez, that's just so horribly corny and bad and in no way, shape or form has any originality of sorts." Well I don't just say things,I actually have extremely valid reasons for my reasonings and thoughts, contrary to common belief :P.

This summer besides being a very reflective one and a very thought provoking one might I add. A lot of events that were set into motion years ago seemed to play out this year for the family as a whole, which I found out to be highly weird. Its interesting as to how the concept and meaning of the term family can change so quickly with the passage of time. Bottom line: People are never what we anticipate them to be, so expect the unexpected...be it your parents, siblings, spouse/s, kids, cousins, friends or even enemies for that matter. The world is a desert and the biggest mirage in that desert are the people in it. I learned a fair share about bonds and relationships from the experiences of some very wise people that I'm surrounded by...Yeah a lot of it pisses me off and makes me wanna go shake some sense into people, but I know for a fact that that ain't gonna make a difference. There was also another lesson or maybe another reminder 'bout this funky thing called Time that was brought to my attention quite a few times. Time is one of thsoe funky constants that's always around but is a chameleon. I mean sure everyone complains 'bout it, whines 'bout it, loves it, hates it, but time is indifferent to all things. You either use it or lose it you know? From what I saw and I guess learned I tried to use it to conduct a salvage mission, which has been a constant work in progress over the years....besides me trying to work on myself i.e. which I think is gonna be a lifetime's worth of work. Only I believe the salvage mission isn't gonna make much of a difference, I mean for one it isn't going to give the heart or the soul what it's looking for. And as far as my heart and dead as the dead sea soul is concerned there ain't much that can do much for either one of 'em. None the less I guess all I want to tell you guys is to try and be careful, sensitive and cautious 'bout the decisions you make that causes the enforcement of actions that I guess you take. Every little action or thought has ripple effects into the future...so be cautious not callous 'cuz karma truly and really is a bitch.


I did have a lot more things that crossed my mind, well if I shared every single moment, thought and impulse in my brain then I think nobody would doubt getting me committed to a mental facility. And amongst all other strange things, one of the strange things that I guess my brain has been working on somewhere in one of those secret chambers/sulci or grooves or whatever the hell it is that it is called, has been my Ultimate Final Playlist *dun dun dunnnn*. Okay I know it sounds strange but many years ago I told one of my really really really good/close friends that if anything untowardly or untimely were to happen to me, then they'd be in charge of the service and schnazz of the sort. What I did emphasize on a ban on any sad, weepy, mopey shit and one helluva rockin' partay. So apparently I have a playlist of songs that I would really appreciate getting some play-time. Sure it's an extremely weird, perhaps morbid thing to think 'bout...but these stages and phases in life that I know for a fact are a certainty...an unmistakable certainty....one day or another its gonna happen so why the hell not plan ahead for a rockin', mind blowin' send off right? I believe you should have a send-off as grand as your arrival :D. Anyway kids, I should go get a few winks of sleep if I wish to function in some remote way tomorrow. Take care all and I hope things are going well for each of ya.

Song of the Day:

Song: Teenage Dream
Singer: Katy Perry
Album: Teenage Dream
Release Date: August 24, Circa 2010

Thursday, August 19, 2010

What's the Story

These last few days I feel like I've lived the life of a butterfly, from the caterpillar to the cocoon blossomin' butterfly. The last few weeks have been ones filled with pressure, anxiety, tension , an inexplicably explicable sadness of sorts, countless doubts and a whole shabang of the not so sunny side of life that the great kitchen called life has to serve. I'm not saying all those feelings got resolved or anything of the sort, I wish I could say that and say I will never have those thoughts again, but c'mon you and I both know that's absolute and complete BS. Man, this summer has been a crazy one for starters, I feel like I haven't had much of a chance to breathe...even though there are people who would say otherwise lol. In a way it has also been a very unique summer, where time literally flew right by, I mean one moment I was prepping myself to get beaten up by my exams back in school and was literally a day away from being done my finals and getting ready to get home, the next moment I was back home and gettin' into the full swing of things on the wedding front then the next moment I started on my next venture of the being home series and before you know it it's time for me to get packin' to head back to school.

On the one hand while this summer was one where I reflected upon quite a few moments in the past few months and re-lived them mentally it was also one where my head decided it was time to play the word game and so it set out to come with up ideas in that upper chamber that never functions on demand and never stops when not in demand. I wouldn't say that it was the ultimate summer as far as my writing is concerned, yes for the newly inducted members/readers of this insanity called my blog I am a full time student and a part time writer. I mean on the one hand I celebrated a 2 year anniversary with one of my projects, which I hope will be completed and will see the light of day in the 'finished'/completed department, 'cuz those who know me know that most of my stories are incomplete works in progress...all except for one, namely "The Locker Chronicles"...which again I must say not a lotta people have read, well except for one person I think, and we went into technical details with the story lol. And no I ain't posting Locker Chronicles on here 'cuz its way too long and much more wordy than what I'm churning out at the moment :P..yeah I know can you believe it? I used to be far more wordy than I am at this given point in time :P.

My battle with self doubt stems from a variety of things, but the one thing that was brought into question as a result of several factors was my dedication towards my goals. You know that saying right that goes along the liens of "When it rains it pours", well lets just say I was having tropical storms and tsunamis up in thinking spot. I was having one of my 'I accept that I shall be forever marooned on the Island of Loneliness' moments when all this occurred, so that obviously sent me spiraling in a direction that I can't even give a proper name to, its worse than one of those vector problems you gotta solve in Physics...you know the ones involving the calculation of total displacement using angles, trig and X and Y components...clearly you can see I miss the simple complexities of math and science :P...Anyway, I won't say much else 'bout my self esteem 'cuz at this point in time I don't think I'm ready to hear things that I'm already very well aware of...not necessarily a whole bunch of people are aware of the factors but eh meh shmeh, I am and will be whatever and whoever I am because of a combination of permutations and combinations that are at times way too much for my miniscule yet overactive and moody brain to handle.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I knew where this entry was headed when I first started, but due to a few constant interruptions I've been pretty much run off the playing field into the sidelines, well more so off the playing field and the stadium and into it's surrounding areas, which frankly is a lil' scary. My mind is a jumble of thoughts, I was gonna have a lil' bit of a movie review going on in here, considering how the familia and I went and watched "Salt" a few hours ago and I had a few things to write 'bout the movie. The next thing on my agenda was to solemnly state my declaration of reaching my half century mark on this word churning blog. I think the last time I checked I was sitting at 38...so it dun' look too bad eh? And more than bad it dun' look too impossible to hit that half a century mark, at least I'm past the quarter century...yayyyy. Right...moving along, and then I was gonna write 'bout the books I've accumulated which have brought me much satisfaction on the one hand and an absolute craving to go back to the bookstore and look for more :D. I was surprised to see that there were no Superman comics at the bookstore, though I was very close to buying the Final Crisis graphic novel....it looked AWESOME though of course I do wanna get the build up of books before Final Crisis. So yeah, I was let down by the lack of Superman graphic novels, but I did see Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere in the graphic novel format and that was pretty exciting to see. It was exactly the way I visualized it but that book is bloody brilliant. All I have to say is that Neil Gaiman is bloody brilliant, if you get a chance to read his books please do so, though I must warn you that they are on the fantastical side of fantasy and a dash of sci-fi as well, but more so fantasy. For those of you who haven't heard of NG, there are 2 movies in particular that were released within a span of 5 years I guess, that are based on his books...the movie Stardust and the other movie being Coraline. He has quite the vivid imagination and those books do transport you to another world, and he's also the author of the series of "The Sandman" graphic novels.

Anyhow kids, I'm gonna end these series of thoughts scaling a multitude of topics, here. Hope you're all doing well and that things have been goin' well fer ye all. Oh on another concluding note, I would like to say that I have come up with a title for my 2010 collection of poems, I was sitting down to study and the first thing that popped into my head was the title. Shows you how keen my focus is on studying lol. Righto, well I'm off now and I shall be back on here later. Cheers and take care!

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Peering o'er the Abyss

Oh firstly the first thing I'd like to address is the chunk of sentences that were missing from my previous post, for some reason I decided to go back and read through the post again and I saw this entire chunk of verbal diarrhea missing and I was a tad flummoxed. I mean I was pretty dang sure I typed up quite a bit, but I guess this lil' guy called my laptop got hungwee or bored and decided to scarf down chunks of words. Attention seeking behaviour perhaps? Oh well, moving along

Growing up I wanted to be a doctor, a student of the art of medicine because I liked the idea of saving people...not it's not a superhero complex, mine was more of a lets buy more time for people to spend it with the ones they love. Sounds sappy? Yeah I know, it sounds sappy to me too and maybe a bit on the cheesy, corny, cliched side as well. But there are some feelings and intentions that stick with you for so long that they don't seem like separate figments of thought anymore as they've integrated themselves into every action and form of your life. To be honest while the last few days/weeks have been festive and busy, for me they have been quite rough. A lotta old wounds were re-opened a lotta unnecessary memories were brought to the forefront. Initially it was a battle with my head to try and stop myself from seeing what I was seeing in my head, but you know how life is, it never gives you enough recovery time to slot and stash shyte away, it just adds more confounding angles to things. So did I find my peace of mind? No...in fact I doubt I ever will and its not because I'm a discontent person by nature but there are some things in life that people might have a hard time finding if not making their peace with.

The only problem with my excess baggage is that when it decides to come screamin' and full force at me I can't exactly deflect it or outsmart or outspeed it really, all I can do is roll with the punches tossed at me. The more I fight it the more I tend to get pushed back into a time and space constraint that resembles the walls closing in on you scenario. The problem is the time it takes to assimilate, process and eliminate the excess baggage these problems bring with them. But then again, what is it that people say? "Life ain't a bed of roses sweetheart." yeah sure, but life dun have to be a stem of thorns either right? Its been difficult trying to work through the nonsense and to deal with the results if not repercussions of reopening old wounds. Those feelings aren't the greatest in the world lemme tell you, well hey I'm sure a lotta you understand if not are even familiar with the concept.

What are you supposed to do
when the pain from so long ago seems
All too familiar and in a way
renewed?
Letting your fears run askew
And bringin' on those tears
anew?

Well I just had a lyrical moment, I've been having guitar chords playing in my head, these words seemed to fit in there perfectly. Now if I knew what chords those chords were playin' at who knows I might just be a composer eh? Well more like singer song-writer perhaps? Who knows maybe in another lifetime or a parallel universe? Anyway people, I think I'm gonna wrap this up right 'bout here, the more I delve the harder it is to claw my way back through to the present moment. Besides, the eyes need a break and I need a break as well. On other amusing notes, think I stand a chance of bein' a mediocre song-writer? Take care lads and lassies and I hope all is going well with you peepz! Cheers n take a moment to breathe the world around you in, well try doing it with your eyes closed and try and feel, hear and sense every sound, feeling and thought you can sense at that moment and when you breathe out try to let it all go. I keep trying to do that on a daily basis, its relieving at times, and at others I have a blocked nose so breathing kinda becomes hard :P. Oh and if you haven't watched Leverage yet, go watch it...no I'm serious 'bout that one go watch it, if you're reading this really? seriously? Go spend your time wisely and watch Leverage :D. Cheers!

I did promise a few trax this post around didn't I? Well I do like to keep my word :)

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Love The Way You Lie
Singer(s): Eminem ft. Rihanna
Album: Recovery
Release Date: June 18, Circa 2010

Song: Not Sure Yet
Singer: Andy Lange
Release Date: Circa, 2009 (As per heard in Episode 1 of Season 2 of Leverage)

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Wisdom

It comes in all shapes and sizes really, the other day when I came waltzing or rather bouncing down the stairs, and no I didn't fall, my dad called me over to his office and insisted that I read one of his favourite books. I was intrigued and excited all at the same time to see what it was that he wanted to share with me. So after almost trippin' over the obstacle course in his office he gave me his book with the most boyish smile and with this twinkle in his eye. I had this half amused expression, or at least I'm sure I did the facial muscles felt they were in that position so hey I guess it musta been half amused unless it was a grimace. I looked down at the cover and lo and behold I was staring at a title that read "Oh The Places You Will Go" followed by my eyes catching the name "Dr. Seuss." I tossed dad a quirked eyebrow look and he said go go go go read it now, you should read it whenever you can, its so well written. So being the obedient child that I am I headed over to my living room with the nice comfy couch and started reading the book. And lemme tell you all sum'n, those moments were the best moments of my day and definitely falls in the top 10 moments of my life category. I mean it wasn't written by a heavy thinker, a philosopher or a mental case with a conscience full of repentance or reflection. It was so profound yet so simple and it had me marvelling at the mere simplicity with which wisdom can make itself visible to you, me and everybody. I mean we all live such fast paced lives that we forget to stop and smell the roses or grass or the smell of spring or summer or fall or even winter for that matter. We're either rushin or crammin to get that last bit of info into our heads or to get that last bit of formattin' in for that presentation we have. We end up pushing all the anxiety buttons and forget to breathe, I've found takin' a few deep breaths to be a lil' reassuring, not a 100% cure for anxiety but it helps to clear up a few cobwebs. My other anti anxiety helper would be sugar, or more specifically chocolate...no wait that's a lie, it would be music followed by sugar :P. Anyway, I am on a tangent here but yeah if you guys feel stuck in a rutt some time, take some time out if not make some time to read this book or any children oriented book...you'd be amazed by what you find, trust me I've tried it...okay no you can disregard me being an 8 year old forever when I dole out advice like the line mentioned above, but give it a shot. Life is too short to get caught up in a tangled web all the time, so take some time out to re-live moments. They leave you feeling rejuvenated, renewed and most importantly they leave you feeling much happier than before.

Now here's a question for you, what do you do when your mind is a 100 miles away from your heart and your heart is a thousand or more miles away from everything else? Well it isn't a rhetorical question people lol, its actually quite a legit question. You could probably re-integrate this into a Physics problem using vectors and using the whole displacement, velocity thing and then changing that into the d-t, v-t graphs i.e the displacement time graphs and velocity time graphs...man that brings back some real old memories lol. Good ol' BPCI and Mr. Dyal, though I must say that he was an amazing teacher...my most memorable physics project being the 'Mousetrap Car' project. Our team really put in a lotta effort with that project and it was a lotta work, but I think the most memorable thing 'bout that project was a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment when we finished it. High school was a good time and I'm thankful I didn't have a lotta horror stories from there and things were different. There were friendships made, some you sorta kinda knew were the kind that wouldn't stick for long and had a shelf life. And then there were some bonds formed that withstood and I think still do withstand the tests of time. And once again I did get extremely lucky with the friends I made, in a way the thing 'bout memories I have 'bout those awesome people I know are flashes of a time when they were still diamonds in the rough and seeing how far they've come and how far they have yet to go just makes my heart swell with pride and yes that usually ends up with me grinning like an idiot. I'm uncertain about the future and where we all will be or will wind up at and I'm not sure if we'll be closer or just distant memories, none the less its never too late to be thankful for all y'all have done and been through with me. Yes I do know I'm quite the proverbial handful with a tonne of issues :D, but hey you can't get a perfect package always right?

None the less I find myself in segue mode, so lemme collect myself and sorta work towards putting a full stop to this entry as I do have a tonne of work ahead of me. Well firstly I'd like to blame Rihanna's "Umbrella" putting me on that sprint down memory lane, no that song did not come out while I was in High School lol. But, I was in a car with 2 of the most amazing people in my life and this was in December and the radio station was playing the best trax of the year and Umbrella was the #1 track that year and so the 3 of us were singing along lol, yeah we had 3 different pitches goin' on but hey it was fun 'cuz Rihanna overpowered us all with that magic dial called 'Volume' :P. But it was one of the most memorable things 'bout that winter and one of those crazy 2 was actually shippin' out for further akademikness and so this was us celebratin' lol.

Anyway kids, I hope you've all been safe and sound and yes there was a wedding that happened, I will write more 'bout that big day another day lol, when my brain is in top gear to ramble on 'bout the proceedings :D. For now, the brain has other things to ponder and marvel and wonder at so cheers for now, oh and on an exit stage right or left note, if you guys get the time watch this show on TNT called "LEVERAGE"...its bloody awesome :D and I'm on re-run mode a'ready 'cuz I'm not that patient when it comes to waiting for episodes and my mind is forever churning, turnin' and thinking so yeah in order to keep it quiet I run the re-runs lol. Take care peepz and hope all is well with everybody :). Cheers and the soundtracks will come up next time too, I'm too lazy to share any music right now so I guess listen to the beat that's rockin' you currently and have a blast.