The Misfit

Hey people, here's the 1st creative creation from 2012, just thought I'd share it with ya'll. It's a culmination of thoughts that were brewing through my head last night, and believe me, I was half tempted to write another post but sleep got the better of me. None the less, I hope you guys enjoy it, and those of you'll who check this out on Wattpad, I guess it's nothing new :P, but hey thanks for the curiosity factor. Comments and feedback are always appreciated! Have a fantastic weekend peepz!

Life always tosses you around,

Like a leaf in the wind.

Unknown to any,

To many, or to all.

Make your way!

Find your path!

They scream, they chant,

they say.

With no conviction,

Nor belief,

Nor compassion,

In the words they say.

It's all easier said than done

really,

When you try to make

your own way.

When you try to fit in,

With, all those other dancing
leaves in the wind.

Nobody forewarns you;

Of the mockery, the isolation,

The ridicule, the ignorance

Nor the hours of contemplation,

Spent on introspection,

And reflection.

I thought it would change

with time,

Perhaps they would see me

for me,

And accept me as one of their

kind.

But somehow, anyhow

That never happened,

I could never be, nor belong,

I assumed then,

That through the long and short

of it,

Through the thick, and, thin

of it,

Only fools could fail to see,

How unique we all are,

and can be.

And so,

Somewhere between seeing

and believing

I emerged,

I saw myself rise, reach out

and fly.

And realized that,

One is perfect company.

You don't need,

A murder of crows,

Nor a gaggle of geese,

To be who you are,

Or to dare to see the dreams,

That, you see.

You are, who you are,

Not because of your company,

But because of who,

And what you choose to be.

Live your life,

The way you wish it to be.

Because nobody else lives,

feels or senses,

Your life the way you live,

breathe and see it.

Like the words of an old song,

Live long, stay strong,

And be yourself,

Even when nobody else dares,

Or, chooses to be.

SJ

The Blankness of being Blank

Blank pages, blank spaces, blank minds, blank walls....yeah right about now there are a lotta blanks that need filling up in my head space...or well another way to put it, my mind feels rather blank. You know these past few days I've been crossing paths with a few interesting people, who are rather interesting specimens of the species we belong to. I wish there were application forms or rather criteria for these specimens to talk to me, ugh *shudder*, they reek of attitude and mental games. You sense that toxic aura miles or rather kilometers away, and you know if they approach you for a conversation then it's not about how you're doing or how things have been going...rather you know it's a business transaction is on it's way as well, and you know that's gonna be quite a show to catch.

It's amazing how people perceive you to be a certain way, think they can play you...well actually they're thinking way ahead of that a'ready 'cuz they think they've already played you (which is always interesting), and they think you buy their crap and will go along with what they say. Oh and boy oh boy do they pull out all the stops to make you work with 'em, because they think or rather they feel that they know you'll do what they want. Aah the power of the mind, it really is something to admire...I just wish it could be used for more useful things and acquisitions in the world. Alas, that's like wishing for a unicorn on your 7th birthday and ending up with a dress...2 entirely different realms of what you want and what you get. I was really contemplating calling this kid out on their game, but then that would ruin the entire performance, and I do love me a performance...if it's good. Makes me wonder, why I haven't steered myself into the Entertainment sector yet...perhaps it's coming soon...like the apocalypse...Oh dear wouldn't that be apocalyptic? Well me going into the Entertainment industry would be apocalyptic 'cuz it would mean we have truly run out of entertainers and now any Tom, Dick or Harry or Tara, Debbie or Harriet can waltz right in off the streets and call themselves an entertainer.

As you can tell I've had quite a riveting week...being preoccupied by other sleep stealing things and being a partial insomniac (well let's see how long that lasts before I make the full transformation) and brain popping headaches...Now with all of that, all you need to spice up your life are annoying runts. One of the other things that I solemnly swore to do this year is to not waste time with people, people who are just consumed and obsessed with themselves. I guess in a way I don't wanna put up with me either...woohoo! But yeah I think I've wasted enough time over such people in the form of strangers, acquaintances and friends and I really don't have the mental or soul space for that sorta rubbish anymore. I guess normal people have already reached that plateau phase, unlike me. Oh well better late than never right? I have been told about my guppy personality, I guess it's time for the guppy to not be a guppy anymore and probably progress to being a Clownfish or something, no not a freaking Goldfish. Talk about getting a headstart on my medical career, might as well deal with the yahoos now, get used to 'em and find a way to deal with 'em so they don't exactly get to screw with the head or heart per-se.

In addition to fishy people and fishes and fun things of the sort, the beginning of the year has been a sensational one!!! I've stumbled across books that absolutely rock!!! Well I guess it was inevitable...ever since I read that Rizzoli & Isles was based off of a series of books, oh believe you me, I've wanted to read those books, and now almost 2 years later I've got my hands on 'em!!! What amazing books!!! This is from one of my favourite genres too so just adds to the awesomesauce category of things in life. Tess Gerritsen is just freaking awesome, and she gets you hooked into the characters and plot lines right from the get-go. I'm also looking forward to reading Patricia Cornwell's 'Red Mist'...of course I'd have to re-visit all the books she's written, it's been such a long damn time since I read her books. I'm also looking forward to reading 'The Night Circus' and this other book that's been making news circuits...'The Immortals of Meluha'...it's piqued my curiosity quite a bit, no I haven't Wiki'd it yet, but I hear it's a trilogy and has something to do with Lord Shiva. Well you know me, if I find out anymore info about it I will let you know, and if I do get to read it then you'll get my take on it as well.

Yes, so as you can see, TNT (specific mentions to both Leverage and Rizzoli & Isles, most amazing shows EVER!!! Well you all know 'bout my soft corner for Leverage!!), Tess Gerritsen and an overactive brain have been a source of inspiration, or at least have tried to be a source of inspiration during these crazy times. Actually what's been a tad more fascinating has been the lil' swirlies of ideas twirling around in my head for stories. I haven't been able to spend my time checking out as many tele shows or movies 'cuz time ain't exactly something that's on my side at the moment. I find it quite fascinating as to what people turn to for inspiration...well I'm amused by what inspires me the most during times I need maximal inspiration and motivation, and I'm curious to know what gets your engines all revved up and going.

Well I guess that's it for now, just had a moment and wanted to rant 'bout annoying people who are full of shit and know it. I hope you folks have a fantastic Friday and hey don't be hating the 13th, it's a fantastic and magical number, fantastic things have happened on the 13th you know. Just 'cuz it's the 13th doesn't mean you're going to have a wonky or whacked out day, so just be cool and do things the way you normally do. Have an awesome weekend and you never know, you might find me back on here soon enough...well hopefully not too soon 'cuz then that would mean I'm procrastinating a lot, and I don't think that's a very smart thing to do at the moment. Cheers! Until next time people!

Friendly reminder: I don't own these pictures, the creative geniuses who came up with 'em do. I just like adding 'em along to add a lil' more flavour, spice, colour and personality to my posts.

Jingle sleighs, Merry bells & Preposterously Prosperous New Year wishes!

So I take it after some reflection most of you have resolved to stick to a few resolutions, for better or for worse? Well that makes them resolutions sound about as purposeful and meaningful as wedding vows now don't it? Thankfully I didn't get into this post the few days ago that I actually started it, then I'd actually have no clue what I had started off on. However, I did have to write it 'cuz I got the kickass title of this post in my head as I was counting sheep trying to sleep, or rather jetlag was drawing me far into that land of blissful sleep.

Well that was until I was up about 2 hours later and couldn't go back to sleep until 4 hours from then. Mind you when I woke up it started getting dark, and this was around 12:30 in the afternoon. One of the few things I absolutely dislike about this wretched place (well my stance on the place stands to change, probably with time or when I get outta here) but for the time being it is a wretched place. Don't you dare start with 3rd world scenarios nor scenarios of mass genocide or anything else to tell me I'm in a b8r place. I am exactly where I'm supposed to be in this time frame and in this particular dimension...the other dimensions, well the other me's know where I'm at and what I'm doing at those particular points in time.

None the less, I wish you all a very happy and joyous 2012! It's not the end of the world, yet. The world ends on an almost daily basis, we don't need a specific day, time or calendar to tell us when it will end. Grim fact of life, every other day there's a piece within each of us, and sometimes the whole individual itself, who dies. Sometimes, our life force ceases, only to re-culminate and be recreated into something else. I'm a believer in that whole reincarnation jazz. I like thinking that life continues, whether you're aware of it or not. Perhaps it's the idealist in me, if not the dreamer and wishful thinker...but believing in something like that keeps me optimistic and at times focused at the tasks I want to do and get done, to make at least this journey as memorable as possible.

So here's to a year full of opportunities...not just you know the career oriented/goal oriented ones, but also those related to self-discovery, stronger bonds and ties to those that matter the most et al. I'd say try and live life with no regrets, but let's talk about more plausible things haha...there's gonna be moments you regret, but that's okay ya know? It's a part and parcel of life, nobody ever lives life perfectly, despite people's perceptions, we all do things that make us roll our eyes at ourselves and go 'Wow I can't believe I did that, what an idiot!' It's alright, accept your regrets, but don't dwell on them too much...what's the point in picking on a scab and not letting your wound(s) heal and in the process inflicting more pain upon yourself? Might as well let the thing heal or let that damn scar form, at least it's painless and you can look at it and maybe grimace initially, but then you'll just learn to live with it later and at times completely forget about it. Oh but fair warning, know that there are some people who love to remind you of your regrets, don't take it to heart, the less you tend to react, the more bored they'll get and stop bugging you 'bout it. But if they don't cease, then they obviously have a mental issue that needs medical attention, so you can heave a sigh of relief and disregard them indefinitely.

Try doing a few things this year that you've wanted to, like taking that road-trip you promised yourself you would go on, or, looking up that program in school you were always interested in but you never thought of looking into 'cuz everyone else laughed at it and considered it to be silly, useless and a waste of time and money. Or go tap into that inner 'Little Chef' of yours and go crazy whipping dishes (well try with small amounts, at least if the first experiment is an utter failure you won't have to waste a whole ton of food right?) left, right and centre, or take up a sport or extra curricular activity you've always thought about from time to time but just never considered it to be the right time to indulge in it. Indulging in those little quirks of your personality is like indulging in some heavenly Lindt chocolates (dammit I miss those chocolates!) or indulging in the most decadent dessert you've had the luxury of indulging in.

I'm not quite sure what the year ahead holds for me, hopefully, this will be the year a few of my spine cracking efforts actually bear fruit. Though, there's a common notion that I don't put in all that much spine cracking effort...trust me after sitting in certain designated spots for remarkably extended periods of time you need to crack that dang spine or else you'll have the worst back-ache of your life (I speak from experience, and hours of being hunched over things). I'm not sure how far or just how enthusiastic the writer in me will be this year to churn out pieces of verbal carnage. It's true that towards the end of 2011, after completing one of the stories/scripts closest to my heart, I had decided I'd stop writing. The decision stemmed from the feeling that there was no more juice left within and that I had lost my ability to string words together to form sensible if not coherent sentences that struck a chord with people. So let's just say that the writing this year will definitely be a work in progress, hopefully it'll be an inspirational year.

Well on that note, I'd like to thank all of you, who have taken a moment of your time to swing by and visit this canvas of words, for stopping by. Whether you love it or hate it, it means a lot to (dare-I-say) a writer if not a pseudo-writer, that someone's cruised by and read these words. Hopefully you'll stick around with me as long as this blog-ful journey lasts and you'll definitely have a few words of wisdom or criticism to impart. Welcome to the other side of 2012 folks, and I'd like to end this blog with my motto for 2012. Yes I don't have resolutions, just random strange mottoes that come to me before I sleep...thankfully my Apple gadget was close by for me to jot these lines down, or else I would've forgotten it by the time I took the express from la-la land to the land of the living and conscious. So, this year I'm...

All about the passion,

Not so much about fashion, 

All for egos clashing,

And all about being oh so dashing!

Hell yeah! Well about the fashion, those of you who know me know my fashion sense is equivalent to that of an emu's or a penguin's really...so don't see that changing this year. I guess some things in life are about as constant as say Kepler's constant or the acceleration due to gravity. So, on that note, have a fantastic time celebrating and coming off that New Year high, and, have an amazing time celebrating your plans and steps towards getting closer to those dreams, goals and achievements. May your enthusiasm and spiritedness be your steadfast allies through the coming days, weeks and months!! 

And no I don't own images I post in these posts, so these images are the property of those creative and brilliant enough to come up with them.

The Conflicted Conscience

Hey guys and gals...just posting up one of my new creations on here, nothing too fancy shmancy, and as always, the mantra's the same --> feedback is much appreciated so leave some at your own risk...Have a fantastic holiday season!
 

Conflicted Conscience

We reflect,
We wonder;
We spend all our
glorious time,
And moments,
Sitting around to
ponder.
Worrying about,
The hows, and whys;
And the maybes,
and sometimes.
Even those annoying
what ifs find a way to cross,
Our ever tangled minds.
Despite the epiphanies,
And conclusions,
And oh so many countless
resolutions...
We never seem to
move on;
Nor, proceed in the
Supposed right direction.
We still drift,
As clueless, aimless
And directionless,
As leaves, dancing
In the confused melody
Of the winds.
We swear, we promise,
Never again, to waste,
Our precious time,
In such fruitless endeavours.
Where, we seem to be,
The only ones who see,
Rather, who choose to see,
What’s become of us,
And those around us,
And seek answers,
To the inexplicable nature,
Of people,
Of friends,
Of emotions,
Of thoughts,
And of life.
How is it a gift?
When it is born
Out of nothing,
Does nothing,
And resolves nothing?
How can we be free?
When our thoughts,
Our wishes,
Our dreams,
Our visions,
And our beliefs,
Seem to always clash,
And be in a state of
conflict,
With the people we are,
And the people we,
Try to blend in with,
And try to be?

SJ

Staccato

These past few days, there have been countless things that have been competing and racing for a spot as far as my attention is concerned, just so that I can channel and focus in on one of 'em and write an elaborate post 'bout the winning thought. Unfortunately, my brain patterns have been very much like the title of this post...well actually that's not a very unfortunate thing, but you know after a while all you hear or rather sense are short bursts of sharp thoughts that have no musical tone whatsoever. Every time I've sat down to dish out something to post on here all I get is a collective piece of staccato notes expressing themselves, and sounding rather dissonant at times.

The past few weeks have zoomed by so fast, that now when I sit down to try and think back to what it was my heart was set on to write about, I can't seem to remember any of them. I attribute this to a general sense of laziness and perhaps a lack of interest in the world and people around and next to me, that seems to have crept up on me. Actually after finishing up my 2nd story (which still needs a little tweaking, there's a little something missing that I haven't had the heart to churn up just yet) I felt perhaps it was the best time to step away from writing. Writing is an art form for those with visions and dreams that can be expressed and delivered in the simplest of hands without the complexity of diction. And me? Well simplicity hasn't exactly been my cuppa tea or coffee, I can't even express the simple action of someone walking out the door exactly as that, it always needs a little more dressing than necessary. But it's been a fun ride so far, so I guess who knows what happens next. I was gonna say maybe next year I'll change my opinion 'bout writing and I might invade the writing pad with a barrage of words...but then again the new year has just a few more days left to go.

It's been a good time, a fortunate time and a thankful one at that as well. The upcoming year is one with definitely a lot of changes, it's just one of those things you can sense in the ether, so all I have to say is look forward to grabbing things by the horns or get outta the way if it seems to be charging towards you at a pace you can't compute or handle...I mean think about it logically, if there's a raging, charging bull coming at you would you stand in front of it and say 'Gee I'm gonna grab it's horns and jump on it's back' or are you gonna get outta the way 'cuz you love your life way too much and doing anything else is just plain stupid? There's a lot of stuff that's made me reflect and internalize things a little too much, internalization is something that I really have to stop doing. Nobody internalizes as much, at least not to the extent I do. It's good at times, but at other times it eats away at you so much, that in a few years time you will turn out like an apple core. You won't even realize how it happened or when it happened, all you'll become is that disjointed browning core. It's a real pain in the arse too because nobody else cares nor is bothered to know what you discovered about yourself, and by the time you finish and come to that epiphany about yourself your brain doesn't care either. It snorts and says 'I told you so'...internalize so as to keep your own self true to yourself, not otherwise, or else you'll turn into your own worst nightmare.

Oh and another epic conclusion for the year would be, the world really is filled with billions of ignorant people, who hold on to notions and conclusions passed down from generations and don't really care to look around and soak up a little more about the world around them. I could do a continent by continent analysis but there are a few I haven't been to yet...but the other ones I've been to I can summarize. But then what's the point? It's not like people are going to start changing the way they see things or approach things. The only time anyone thinks or feels others are ignorant is when they have been affronted on a personal level. It really irritates me how little people know about the world we live in, and knowing the little that they do know how they make complete asses and fools of themselves by trying to glorify their knowledge by stating all the wrong things and thinking nobody else knows what they're talking about. Given this day and age you would think people would know better than to state things without double checking with 'Google' right?

Well not everything has been so disappointing, did I mention how I have finished 2 stories??!! I mean it's a whole 2 stories! That's never happened before, so in a way I guess I can still surprise myself :D. Other than that I've got this internal craving to read up on Indian History, my knowledge on the subject seems to be diminishing and going away from me. There are some things in life that we abhor at a young age because we're forced to go through the motions and learn things...but then with time an interest is culminated and the spark of curiosity ignites the fire of thirst for knowledge. That's when you genuinely get interested in wanting to know what actually happened and wanting to know how things came to be. Off late I've been wanting to get my hands on some poetry, maybe philosophy and definitely world history. Well pretty much get my hands on a book, yes e-books are available and all but I'm a huge fan of the old school way of having a book in your hand, where you can turn the pages and enjoy if not savour every delectable word on every page. It's just something beautiful in it's own way. Upon expressing this desire to my folks the response was, you don't have time to read other useless things, just read the books you need to for school...*sigh*...of course, being the rebel I am, there was a defiant 'NO' that emanated from within and was expressed. All I got in response to that was a few tuts and 'tsk tsks' and amusing laughs at my defiance. Their support of the rebel is always so amusing and entertaining lol.

In addition to being writer extraordinaire and all of that, other great and wonderful things that happened included heart warming reunions with people I cherish, getting news that makes your whole world spin outta excitement and happiness (yesss!!! this was definitely the news I wasn't anticipating but it's the best thing I could've heard in all these months :)...so keeping my fingers and toes crossed) and I think finally getting a handle on being the 3 AM friend. I can't believe I wasted my time listening to some boring drama that I could've read up elsewhere or watched elsewhere and figured out, next time don't worry I have a solution for your problem...'I'm sleepy and tired find someone else to talk to' OR 'I know the number for this great & awesome person who charges by the hour and session to listen, analyze and give you perfect advice and I'm not sure if OHIP covers it, but make sure you get a referral via your family physician!' This one way street of friendship just found it's 'Dead end' and termination zone. I have problems and concerns of my own that may just bury me alive while I'm walking and working through 'em.

Well I've gone on a little more than necessary, it's not really as staccato-ish as a staccato note tends to be. Well 'tis that time of the year, so merry wishes and good cheer to you all and have a fantastic and heart and soul warming time with the people that matter the most to you. Really...don't waste your time with those who don't value it, you'll be glad you didn't. Don't make resolutions...resolve to do things, as it will add more character to the things you do and it will keep you moving forward. All you need is a little resolve, despite everything that comes your way, your resolve will be the burning fire that will push you forward and get you closer to your dreams. Merry Christmas everyone and I hope Santa has a little something for all of you!

Rockstar - A Review

Firstly, where the hell are the rocks at?! Let me make this easy and summarize the entire review of this movie into one word - CRAP. Well that's just my humble opinion, this movie was such an utter and absolute waste of time. I literally had to take a freaking break every 10-15 minutes of this movie. I'm really disappointed with the fare Imtiaz Ali has come up with this time. 'Jab We Met' was a whole lotta fun, I didn't really enjoy 'Love Aaj Kal' all that much, it was entertaining but nothing to write home about...but in all honesty, looking back 'Love Aaj Kal' was waaayyyyy better than this torturous movie. This movie definitely goes into the crap bucket of 2011 movies.

As much as I'd like to give you a preview of the story, after watching this movie I'm not quite sure what the main premise of the story is supposed to be. Before watching the movie I assumed it was supposed to be a look into music, the passion, the turmoil, the angst, the very notes that make music and a musician rise and soar. I thought it was gonna b a look into the life of a Rockstar, well in this case an Indi-rocker and the whole love, sex, drugs aspect of the rockstar life, from the Hindi film industry's perspective. The rock genre of music is something that's thriving in the Subcontinent, and you'd be quite amazed and impressed with the rock bands you find out there. I haven't really immersed myself in that scene yet, mostly due to being critically and permanently traumatized by my brother's live shower-time performances from the bathroom...those things kinda tend to have a lifelong impact on you.

There was way too much the screenplay was trying to achieve and I found it to be highly disjointed, disruptive and irregular. Imtiaz Ali would've definitely had a fantastic script and movie at his hands, if it hadn't been for the way the entire damn screenplay was organized or in this case disorganized. For a movie about music, it is quintessential that the story have soul, because music is nothing without soul...if music had no soul then it would be like burnt toast, charred and far beyond comprehension for any of the senses. The beauty of music lies in it's ability to seep and soak through each and every single pore of your mind and body, without considering or paying any attention to trivial things like language. This entire movie though, seemed to be filled with horcruxes, with pieces of the story's soul dispersed here, there and everywhere.

As far as the soundtrack of the film is concerned, well hey it's by A.R. Rahman so the expectations will always be high and people without batting an eyelid will tell you it's AWESOME. The soundtrack is a'ite for an A.R Rahman fare, there were very few songs that caught my attention. Maybe it's one of those soundtracks I need to listen to more often or something in order for it to have any impact. There's probably 2 or 3 songs that I probably like from the entire soundtrack, like I said I might have to give the rest a more patient sit through. That being said though, I am disappointed with the soundtrack of Rockstar...Somehow since 'Rang De Basanti' and probably even 'Guru' there's been a bit of a plateau that the maestro seems to have hit with his compositions. No I did not enjoy the 'Slumdog Millionaire' soundtrack, all though we all love saying 'Jai Ho' at any given moment or occasion,  nor did I think the movie was outstanding (that's a whole other issue though). There's something amiss from this track, now I don't know if it's cuz of a Mohit Chauhan (whose songs I do love listening to) overdose or not, but it just feels like a very incomplete and abrupt soundtrack. None the less, my song picks from this soundtrack include,

- 'The Dichotomy of Fame'
- 'Nadaan Parinde'

In terms of performances, they were strictly okay to grating on the nerves. Ranbir Kapoor was a'ite, he was bearable and at times was irritating, I don't know I didn't see the whole 'OMG it's his career best performance yet!!' that people seem to be harping about. I do feel bad for the chap, it would've been great if the movie had a great and solid storyline. Nargis Fakhri...oh boy, well she's got a ways to go that's for sure, she definitely has to work on a few things...perhaps working on those facial expressions and easing up on the dialogue delivery in future films will be fantastic, and not screaming so much. Don't want to over-criticize her in her first film, but I think she just needs a few more projects to get a tad more comfortable in front of them cameras.

Best things about the movie? Well first of all...my FAVORITE thing about the movie was seeing the awesome and amazing Late Shri Shammi Kapoor sir in this movie. Next in line would probably have to be the publicity posters...they are pretty awesome in terms of art concept and all. Yet another cool thing shown in this flick, which I think is a first of it's kind, is portraying and showcasing a Kashmiri Pandit wedding. It definitely was one of the coolest things I've seen! You get to see and learn a few new things I guess.

Well I had to share my take on the 2 hours and 40 minutes of my life that were lost over a span of a day just to watch this movie. Well that's that from the 'Thot Facktoree', here's to optimism and looking forward to substantial entertainment and not half baked goods in the name of entertainment, and those of you who watched this flick do let me know what you thought about the flick. I'd love to hear what you have to say about the movie! Thanks for tuning into another bullet review!

Disclaimers w.r.t copyright laws and schnazz goes in here, I do not own these images, Shree Ashtavinayak, T-Series, Imtiaz Ali and Eros International own the rights to this flick and the posters and everything else...except my opinions.

Resonance

I had quite a sobering thought yesterday/last night, and perhaps I should've acted on it then and posted it on here right then. It was a battle between exhaustion and writing, clearly the z's won out. That's probably why my thoughts are currently a little more diluted than it was last night and so it doesn't have as much of a resonating effect on me as it did last night.

Just how honest are we being with ourselves or with life for that matter, if there's this absolutely huge hollow space within us, a void, an abyss of nothingness that's been shrieking, crying and screaming for years on end? Those screams set every molecule on fire, and get your hairs to stand on end, yet all you can do is either choose to ignore it and let it live long and prosper or cave in and handle what happens when you fall into the abyss. Either way, are you living a complete and fulfilling life? Or have you just mastered the art of compromise? This hollowness within can swallow you whole, drive you insane and give you insight...it's a brand whose burden and weight apparently only the bearer can withstand.

Which leaves me with that quandry, is this entire thing that's happened so far a lie, where my neuronal networks have just fired together and learned to compensate and now respond to various visual, auditory and tactile stimuli on autopilot as a result of all the compensation that's happened over years? Or are my responses individual and novel and not generated on an autopilot basis? The mind is a real fantastic and freaky place, it's power of suppression is beyond comprehension, in my humble opinion, as to date. We haven't even been able to tap into that aspect yet...I think if we did we'd have some novel forms of therapy for those of us broken beyond repair, and in general probably rebooting our entire mental framework. It would be a breakthrough, but then again like everything in life there are pros and cons. You'd either end up with people hell bent on mind control and zombies/droids or you'd end up with a world of thinkers and doers, people who would be given that chance to move on and achieve whatever they're capable of.

But then again...all that's suppressed and repressed always finds a way out, and when it does...well I guess that's something for you to imagine...For my part? Well...been there and done that.

Oh and one more thing, by ways of copyright laws, these images don't belong to me, they're end results and by-products of other creative people. I'm just borrowing these images to add some colour to these posts, so please don't be offended oh mighty creators.