Resonance

I had quite a sobering thought yesterday/last night, and perhaps I should've acted on it then and posted it on here right then. It was a battle between exhaustion and writing, clearly the z's won out. That's probably why my thoughts are currently a little more diluted than it was last night and so it doesn't have as much of a resonating effect on me as it did last night.

Just how honest are we being with ourselves or with life for that matter, if there's this absolutely huge hollow space within us, a void, an abyss of nothingness that's been shrieking, crying and screaming for years on end? Those screams set every molecule on fire, and get your hairs to stand on end, yet all you can do is either choose to ignore it and let it live long and prosper or cave in and handle what happens when you fall into the abyss. Either way, are you living a complete and fulfilling life? Or have you just mastered the art of compromise? This hollowness within can swallow you whole, drive you insane and give you insight...it's a brand whose burden and weight apparently only the bearer can withstand.

Which leaves me with that quandry, is this entire thing that's happened so far a lie, where my neuronal networks have just fired together and learned to compensate and now respond to various visual, auditory and tactile stimuli on autopilot as a result of all the compensation that's happened over years? Or are my responses individual and novel and not generated on an autopilot basis? The mind is a real fantastic and freaky place, it's power of suppression is beyond comprehension, in my humble opinion, as to date. We haven't even been able to tap into that aspect yet...I think if we did we'd have some novel forms of therapy for those of us broken beyond repair, and in general probably rebooting our entire mental framework. It would be a breakthrough, but then again like everything in life there are pros and cons. You'd either end up with people hell bent on mind control and zombies/droids or you'd end up with a world of thinkers and doers, people who would be given that chance to move on and achieve whatever they're capable of.

But then again...all that's suppressed and repressed always finds a way out, and when it does...well I guess that's something for you to imagine...For my part? Well...been there and done that.

Oh and one more thing, by ways of copyright laws, these images don't belong to me, they're end results and by-products of other creative people. I'm just borrowing these images to add some colour to these posts, so please don't be offended oh mighty creators.

The Thought Mart - This week's special...The Written Word !!

Hey guys n gals...hope all is well with ya'll. Yeah I know I got a bit of a drawl goin' back there, fun things that happen while you're trying to keep your brain in check. Anyway, I had a few thoughts zipping through my head, yes I know go on roll your eyes , about a few elements of that quirky thing called life. I know you've all heard that a person is defined by the sum of their actions or at least I hope some of you have heard of it, and for those of you who haven't well I guess you learned something new today and are waltzin' outta that cocoon of ignorance society revels in today. I mean hey if you don't know 'bout it then why bother right? Besides we have enough junk we gotta know so why should we bother about knowing and learning more right? None the less, I think that we are not just the sum total of our actions, but also the sum total of our sacrifices. Now that doesn't mean we should start keeping track of all that we sacrifice, I mean for some of us that's equivalent to giving up carbs for 2 months and for others it's giving up on all those wondrous dreams to live in this moment of reality. Now I ain't no accountant with the Bank of D&K but every sacrifice besides being another step in the refinement/extraction process of who we are, it has tremendous meaning and significance in the grander scheme of things.

Besides all this fun and fascinating talk 'bout sacrifices and actions, I was recently reminded of my other job as a mere mortal, that I actually forgot about and was pretty glad forgetting about....that of being a friend. Well its not a job to me per se but in a few cases it really does seem like it, that's how much the bond is respected if not cherished. But then again, I shouldn't have expectations, like my madre says my belief in people will be the death of me. But here's where my bone of contention lies, if you don't have faith or belief or rather hope in people, then what's the point in existing? We all live by the balance of hope and faith, whether we believe it or not, its one of those involuntary things. I mean before when I'd realize that nothing changed w.r.t some people I'd be pretty bummed out, I guess I've moved on along in life as well just as they have and I think I'm glad I feel indifferent 'bout it. Now I dunno if that means the next time there's a check in at heartbreak hotel if I'm gonna be available, but I do know this for a fact...they really aren't worth my salt and if experience has taught me nething it's this that they'd be the first deserters at the scene. So, ultimate moral of the story, make sure you turn to yourself first and then to your support system. Sound crappy? Well, too bad, it's useful 'cuz of the nature of the world we live in, it's so fast past paced and perhaps ultra demanding, not to forget competitive as well in that mix that sometimes heck most times our support systems will be involved in their own battles and their problems. I guess some people just don't deserve those many chances huh? And some people just won't change from their own self-absorbing ways, so much so that if they don't receive that 'normal' bite of attention then you know then the person not giving them that attention has turned into a egotistical, narcissistic, self absorbed twat. I mean forgive me if others have a life with real problems that don't go hoverin' around your life nor your wants and needs. So instead of sitting there and claiming and declaring them to be a reflection of yourself, get our arse off that high throne and try and be useful. Try and be that 'friend' that they seek comfort in rather than being the pop up ad that people get annoyed with. Try and be a part of people's lives rather than pushing them away when your quota of 'I have everything I need and then some' is fulfilled, and only going back to them when that dream pops like a soap bubble and you need to find your bearings. I mean honestly have we fallen so much that we don't value everything we have? And only choose to value a few things when the time is right? Next thing you know it'll be valued when the price is right *rolls eyes*, I mean hey it is a scary thought isn't it? To be evaluated by how much you are worth monetarily rather than what you're worth as a person. Perhaps it is my naivety that's bellowing itself out here, but hey that thought does make me sick.

Okay now I feel like that Ask Aunt Alice column from Young Times, for those of you who aren't familiar with Young Times, it used to be and I think still is, this magazine for kids that came once a week, I think Tuesdays, with the paper.

I had the randomest memory w.r.t Young Times the other day, while watching Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman. On one of the episodes they mentioned "Pen Pals" while that had a completely different connotation on the show, well it referred to cell mates and other convicts in prison, it reminded me of this section that the magazine used to have. It brought a smile to my face, 'cuz to me now the concept I guess seems so far fetched to think back to, especially in this day and age where everything is a clikkity clak away. That also reminded me of my English and Hindi classes where we learned how to write formal letters and how to start the letters and the differences between formal and informal letters and how to end those letters. It makes me wonder if this fast paced progress of ours has made us forget the art of writing. Writing goes far beyond being a skill or talent someone has or a gift someone has. It's the thing that brings all of us together, it binds us, our thoughts, dreams and visions. And the beauty of it all is that each and every one of us are blessed with it, we just don't exercise it enough I guess. Doesn't mean that everyone has to go write poetry or the next big novel/series of a lifetime, it just means don't ever consider yourself to be any lesser than anybody else, because everybody is different and brilliantly unique in their own way. It's just sad how we tend to lose focus on the brilliant and unique aspect and choose to instead focus on the different aspect of things. More than that we tend to use this 'difference' as a weapon and as a way to further segregate ourselves rather than as something to bring us together.

I remember last year in one of my classes, while the poor proff was droning on about amino acids I think, I wrote a poem in there and one of my colleagues/friends who read the poem said dude what the hell are you doing here? You should be doing something else, you'd be much better off spending your future writing than being here and enduring this painful nonsense. So when I responded by saying well yeah I will do it after this first journey is over, to which my colleague said 'You can't do both, you can only do one and I think you should be a writer and that this painful road is not worth it.' Maybe she had a point, maybe she didn't but see, I have a small glitch in my system, I'm the kinda person who doesn't like being relegated to one thing...my interests vary far and wide, and I personally believe that people should do whatever and everything it is that they wish to do. I'm not just saying this peepz, I don't say things I don't mean or don't do myself, in fact I'm sure my friends can attest to this attitude of mine. C'mon guys when was the last time I walked down the same old beaten path? and decided hey lets just do it this way :P. I mean heck if the G-man ain't stoppin' ya who are a few people to stop ya right?

Anyway guys, I gotta get back to more pressing issues happening back here on this fun filled journey of my future. To be honest while I do know what path I've set out on, I'm not quite sure what the end of this journey holds and whether this journey will take me to one of my biggest dreams, but hey what's life without wishing and hoping that it works out right? Thanks for riding the tour bus on this journey you guys, and I hope all is going well with all of ya!!! Good luck with everything you got coming your way this week and I hope you guys have a great week ahead!!!

Song(s) of the Day

Song: Afterglow
Singer/Band: INXS ft Sona
Album: Switch
Release Date: Circa, 2005

Song: The Animal Song
OST: The Other Sister
Album: Affirmation
Artist/Band: Savage Garden
Release Date: Circa, 1999

What's the Story

These last few days I feel like I've lived the life of a butterfly, from the caterpillar to the cocoon blossomin' butterfly. The last few weeks have been ones filled with pressure, anxiety, tension , an inexplicably explicable sadness of sorts, countless doubts and a whole shabang of the not so sunny side of life that the great kitchen called life has to serve. I'm not saying all those feelings got resolved or anything of the sort, I wish I could say that and say I will never have those thoughts again, but c'mon you and I both know that's absolute and complete BS. Man, this summer has been a crazy one for starters, I feel like I haven't had much of a chance to breathe...even though there are people who would say otherwise lol. In a way it has also been a very unique summer, where time literally flew right by, I mean one moment I was prepping myself to get beaten up by my exams back in school and was literally a day away from being done my finals and getting ready to get home, the next moment I was back home and gettin' into the full swing of things on the wedding front then the next moment I started on my next venture of the being home series and before you know it it's time for me to get packin' to head back to school.

On the one hand while this summer was one where I reflected upon quite a few moments in the past few months and re-lived them mentally it was also one where my head decided it was time to play the word game and so it set out to come with up ideas in that upper chamber that never functions on demand and never stops when not in demand. I wouldn't say that it was the ultimate summer as far as my writing is concerned, yes for the newly inducted members/readers of this insanity called my blog I am a full time student and a part time writer. I mean on the one hand I celebrated a 2 year anniversary with one of my projects, which I hope will be completed and will see the light of day in the 'finished'/completed department, 'cuz those who know me know that most of my stories are incomplete works in progress...all except for one, namely "The Locker Chronicles"...which again I must say not a lotta people have read, well except for one person I think, and we went into technical details with the story lol. And no I ain't posting Locker Chronicles on here 'cuz its way too long and much more wordy than what I'm churning out at the moment :P..yeah I know can you believe it? I used to be far more wordy than I am at this given point in time :P.

My battle with self doubt stems from a variety of things, but the one thing that was brought into question as a result of several factors was my dedication towards my goals. You know that saying right that goes along the liens of "When it rains it pours", well lets just say I was having tropical storms and tsunamis up in thinking spot. I was having one of my 'I accept that I shall be forever marooned on the Island of Loneliness' moments when all this occurred, so that obviously sent me spiraling in a direction that I can't even give a proper name to, its worse than one of those vector problems you gotta solve in Physics...you know the ones involving the calculation of total displacement using angles, trig and X and Y components...clearly you can see I miss the simple complexities of math and science :P...Anyway, I won't say much else 'bout my self esteem 'cuz at this point in time I don't think I'm ready to hear things that I'm already very well aware of...not necessarily a whole bunch of people are aware of the factors but eh meh shmeh, I am and will be whatever and whoever I am because of a combination of permutations and combinations that are at times way too much for my miniscule yet overactive and moody brain to handle.

That being said, I'm pretty sure I knew where this entry was headed when I first started, but due to a few constant interruptions I've been pretty much run off the playing field into the sidelines, well more so off the playing field and the stadium and into it's surrounding areas, which frankly is a lil' scary. My mind is a jumble of thoughts, I was gonna have a lil' bit of a movie review going on in here, considering how the familia and I went and watched "Salt" a few hours ago and I had a few things to write 'bout the movie. The next thing on my agenda was to solemnly state my declaration of reaching my half century mark on this word churning blog. I think the last time I checked I was sitting at 38...so it dun' look too bad eh? And more than bad it dun' look too impossible to hit that half a century mark, at least I'm past the quarter century...yayyyy. Right...moving along, and then I was gonna write 'bout the books I've accumulated which have brought me much satisfaction on the one hand and an absolute craving to go back to the bookstore and look for more :D. I was surprised to see that there were no Superman comics at the bookstore, though I was very close to buying the Final Crisis graphic novel....it looked AWESOME though of course I do wanna get the build up of books before Final Crisis. So yeah, I was let down by the lack of Superman graphic novels, but I did see Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere in the graphic novel format and that was pretty exciting to see. It was exactly the way I visualized it but that book is bloody brilliant. All I have to say is that Neil Gaiman is bloody brilliant, if you get a chance to read his books please do so, though I must warn you that they are on the fantastical side of fantasy and a dash of sci-fi as well, but more so fantasy. For those of you who haven't heard of NG, there are 2 movies in particular that were released within a span of 5 years I guess, that are based on his books...the movie Stardust and the other movie being Coraline. He has quite the vivid imagination and those books do transport you to another world, and he's also the author of the series of "The Sandman" graphic novels.

Anyhow kids, I'm gonna end these series of thoughts scaling a multitude of topics, here. Hope you're all doing well and that things have been goin' well fer ye all. Oh on another concluding note, I would like to say that I have come up with a title for my 2010 collection of poems, I was sitting down to study and the first thing that popped into my head was the title. Shows you how keen my focus is on studying lol. Righto, well I'm off now and I shall be back on here later. Cheers and take care!

Thoughts a Million

Well I actually do have quite a bit on my mind today, I mean it's all jumbled up in terms of me wanting to present the few ten thoughts outta the gazillion. Well here's what's gonna go down, lots of thoughts churned out as a result of watching a movie...well okay usually when I watch a movie there's about two things that happen

1. The brain has the thought processes going in Overdrive where a lotta things that I think of or rather have shelved away come to the forefront and take a life of their own. Don't get me wrong I actually enjoy movies that make me go through those thoughts archived in the upper chamber.
2. Movies that just bore the crap outta me...and well these also can be further categorized into those movies whose scripts were novel and worth appreciating but failed to hold onto it's initial narrative and then there's the other kind that just plain sucks.

So while we're on movies, my strong recommendation in the Hindi department for this current moment is My Name Is Khan...All said and done its a beautiful movie, besides the performances...the word outstanding is an under-statement...it was just beautiful, the cinematography was fantastic, a majority of the narrative was fantastic, the pace and the tone of the movie is pretty much consistent all the way through. Oh and here's some definite FYI, once you're done watching the movie make sure you check out the deleted scenes, just so you know its available on a facebook page lol, yes I had to google it to find it. A few of the snippets from the deleted scenes give the movie some more flavour and makes it a lil' more wholesome. The entire story and script idea while not necessarily novel in the age and times we live in, was unique in it's own way. The basic story line is conveyed or rather plainly stated in it's popular tagline/dialogue --> "My name is Khan and I'm not a terrorist." When you hear such a line you go hmmmm what's this all about? Is it going to be over the top dramatic-ness? Is it going to be Anti-American? Or is it gonna be one of those "Oh man woe is us" kinda movies. The first few things that grab your attention in that promo include things like hmmm okay the main protagonist has a disability of sorts, then as the promo progresses the background score seems to be keeping up with the scenes being aired in the promo, in addition to that you see who the main protagonists are, you're informed it's a love story that includes a journey to meet the President of USA, you also find the story based on the backdrop of 9/11 and that's when I guess one stops and wonders, wait what kinda love story could you possibly have with 9/11 as a backdrop? Oh wait, one where the main guy is a terrorist and falls in love with a civilian and is responsible for coordinating terrorist attacks or is in charge of a terrorist cell or wait turns himself in because he's fallen in love and wants to be the best person he can be? Oh wait...but that's already been done, do the titles New York and Kurbaan come to mind? Then there's the other possibility where the main protagonist is one of the victims of 9/11 who is directly affected and may have lost loved ones and so is fighting for justice and he also happens to have a disability..hmm..there's another possibility. AND THEN while the wheels in your head are spinning you're presented with the last scene of the promo which comes after all the building up of the background score and after the crescendo..."My name is Khan and I'm not a terrorist" and it ends there followed by an emphatic silence. My reaction to that was "DAMN! I need to watch this movie now!" Well I could be biased :P, considering I'm such a fan of the ultimate trifecta that's ever come to the forefront in Indian cinema, that's right folks...well to the newbies, they would be the trio of Karan Johar, Kajol and Shahrukh Khan. Now shoot me for being such a huge fan of all three of 'em. Karan Johar has grown leaps and bounds from when he started off, and it's funny to note after watching this movie I had a sudden urge to watch Dilwale Dulhaniya Le Jaayenge just to see the transition of these three individuals. I mean besides going "Wow they were so young there." and stating the obvious, there's a certain maturity that's come along with the scripts and characterizations. K-Jo is now at the helm of a production company that has generated a wide variety of scripts ranging from Dostana to New York to Wake Up Sid and lets not forget his biggest blockbusters ranging from the evergreen Kucch Kucch Hota Hai to Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham to Kabhi Alvidaa Na Kehna - the movie where he started veering a lil' off the "Karan Johar candyfloss magnum opus flicks"...well at least script wise, costume and setting/set wise not really lol. Moving on to the actors, Kajol..I consider her to be one of the best in the movie bizz, one of my all time fav. movies of hers is Dushman...besides a brilliant soundtrack...her performance in that movie was spine chilling, volatile and bloody brilliant. There's just so much conviction and honesty that she puts into her role that for that moment you're enraptured and caught up in the movie you forget that it's only a fictional character, you actually believe that such a character exists which is really hard to find these days. And last but not the least there's SRK or Mr. Shahrukh Khan...I could write pages 'bout the reasons why I love this dude, but I'm gonna try and make this brief and short considering how this isn't a post 'bout him :P. Its not that he doesn't know how to act, each of his movies are different even though the characters he has played may seem to overlap each other there is an undertone of difference between those characters. Over the years I wouldn't say he has matured but every movie has nuances of him trying to break away from the standard set bars that a character can portray in said role in said story setting. Now while I do love watching his movies, my all time fav. SRK movies besides Kal Ho Naa Ho are; Swades and Chak De India...I guess now you can add MNIK to the list as well.

A'ite I'm gonna leave that at that or else it can get extremely tangential and the G-man knows where exactly that's gonna lead. Next on the agenda is this odd sense of not accomplishing anything thus far in life. I look around and I see friends of mine working, setting up RRSP's, accomplishing their dreams and getting close to presenting and projecting all those ideas their thought factories used to churn out during our younger years onto a much bigger platform....and it makes me proud to see how far they've come, but, at the same time it makes me take a step back and ask myself so what have you done lately? or, how far have you come kiddo? 'Cuz the last time I checked I feel like I'm in the exact same spot I've been for a while with the only difference being a change in my settings and a very marked physical difference in terms of growth in things around me. Heck even my rose bushes seem to have grown quite a bit. Anyway, I'm gonna sign off on this note just and re-address this topic some other time, for now I gotta go take care of a few things, today's a relatively big day as far as FIFA fever is concerned, so I just wanna go do some work before the play and fun starts :D. Take care peepz and I hope all is well with all of you!! Much love and best wishes, cheers!

The Beginning

Aloha one, aloha all...so as can be seen I have decided to get back into the bloggin' habit. Seeing as to how much time I generally have to twiddle-doo and twiddle-dee my thumbs I'm sure I'm in for a fun ride, though I cannot guarantee or rather say the same for those who choose to read this. Well for those who do choose to read this, Good Luck!, lol, followed by me exclaiming 'What the Hell is wrong with you? Do you not have anything better to do?' Oh and don't get me wrong I actually do mean what I say when it comes to those exclamations. I'm sure you all have something to study, or work to take care of or something or the other to do, if you do read this humour me and please temme it was the ultimate last option available to you.

Now first things first, if you see colourful language and if it's something you have never seen before please carry a bag and a set of springs so as to collect the popping eyes and you know to pop 'em poppers back into place. Moving on to the next thing, I do value the time you take outta your hectic lives and schedules to go through the ramblings of someone like me, but, that doesn't mean I will cover world news and all the depressing that our other depressing lives seem to be overshadowed by... and no I'm not full of myself....yet but hey maybe at some point in the future perhaps I will be, like they say 'There's always room for improvement' :D.

Right even after all this intro-stuff I'm still not sure what the main topic for this opening blog entry should be, I'm sure by the time I'm done I either,

a) won't know
b) will know what to focus on as I just might toss in a summary at the end of this entry.
c) still be undecided and go off on tangents, as I normally do but hey one of the reasons I'm here is to try and do that which isn't normal, so yes trying not to be tangential is gonna b interesting.
d) None of the above and I probably might end it as abruptly as I began this project lol.

Lol, you know someone has school influence their lives too much when you see that they start putting the options to various things in the lives in an MCQ format. Okay the word influence would be too much of an understatement, I'd rather say dominate than influence. Well how about I start off with why I started up on my ol' bloggin' habits; well I had this epic moment in life that was a life and death moment and it changed my perspective on my life and the way I live life and it made me realize how fortunate I am and how much more appreciative I should be of this world that I blah blah blah blah....so goes the story. Actually it really is quite simple, or at least I think it is lol I'm doing it 'cuz it's what I do, well not blogging but writing, it's an interesting medium through which one can express opinions, ideas and all that other jazz that you hear most people stuck in an interview ramble on about. Oh and I mainly am doing this to maintain my limited sanity, I mean it's a toss up between typing my keyboard to death or kicking someone's arse, especially that someone is worse than a leech, I mean who knew humans could be worse than leeches right? Well okay I know most people by the time they hit my age develop the awareness for leeches and some such way before I did. I mean it's amusing to me 'cuz it makes me feel like maturity came knocking on my door a few years later than it was s'posed to, but that's 'ite it just makes living those moments of life an interesting reflection point.

Oh and I should warn you, these blogs tends to be wordy, because it's one place that doesn't have word limits which means I can ramble on some more. Hell I've even been told by facebook this one time, when I was sending one of my friends a message, that my message was too long to be sent. Wat the hell matie? I mean there is a reason why you have a message section, I mean it's where you send long ass messages to catch up, I understand the Walls having word limits, but this whole Message word limit nonsense I'm not too happy 'bout. Now if you're gonna tell me that I should've just written an e-mail and sent it well I'd like to say that it was easier to do so on fb 'cuz I was on that person's fb profile page so it turned out to be more convenient than clicking on on another tab that my wonderful firefox manages. In fact I'm pretty sure Firefox wudda smacked me out and over the back side of my head, not even the top-side and then it would've been quite amused by the interesting hollow beats emanating from my sonorous head lol.

Hmmm I made another discovery while I was whiling away some time in a class that would technically translate into the fusion of biology and chemistry and for those weak of heart and mortally petrified of anything followed by the suffix chemistry, then treat it like breathing, you inhale take in air and then you exhale. Well chemistry in particular does cure if not it either enhances or destroys your olfactory senses, oh and toss in optic issues as well, but mostly olfactory, its either rotten eggs or good ol' pineapple smellin' esters...mmmm pineapple...dammit now I want some. But I discovered that some people can be extremely thick skinned and complete and absolute morons. But then again the world we live tends to have a population of 95% morons and 5% sane, rational, cool and awesome people. I also discovered that the biochem lab has interesting acoustics, if people make enough noise you can actually get away with singing a few songs :P. No that's not what I do during my labs, but I had a reason to test the acoustics a little during this lab I had for my Biochem class, I think people were more excited, happy and ready to high tail it outta the lab so there was a good background of constant chatter, noise and excitement that it was a Friday. I'm sure I made another discovery but unfortunately I can't remember what it was that I discovered besides thick skinned jackasses who deserve an ass whooping, awesome acoustics, and that I have a serious allergic reaction to bull shit. Hmmm...twiddling thumbs and sifting through everything I've done since 6 in the morning is taking more time than necessary, even my laptop scans for virus and spam nonsense gets it done faster than I do. Note to self, must look into getting more RAM for the head and maybe an external for all that stuff that's in the brain, I mean it's a better means of storing all that I learn than to let it all take the one way road that leads outta the inner labyrinth called my head.

Alright well I think this is where I shall say 'That's a wrap' folks. seeing how the road ahead of me seems foggy and surrounded by Z's to induce some serious sleep, I'm gonna officially call it a night and I guess have my mental work out sessions whenever I can, perhaps say....tomorrow!! That's right wouldn't you love to be a student right about now? :P. Take care people and until next time keep it rockin'. Time for me to rock n rolla outta here, so nite nite to some of y'all and top of the morning to the others, 'tis an interesting time and place I live in. Cheers and thanks for stopping by!

Song of the day: Oh Girl
OST: Housefull, circa 2010
Status: Recently released soundtrack, movie yet to be released, watch the screens for an April release.