Thirteenth Step

Hey guys and gals...I know I usually just ramble off a really long essay about various things and various permutations and combinations of things causing those various things. It's a vicious cycle of opinions :P...none the less today what I'm about to post is not gonna b an opinion based essay....it's actually going to be a lil' something I created on the eve of a very special day to me. Be forewarned that the following piece is a poem, so for those of you a lil' aversive towards poetry stay away or go read or do something that makes your senses tingle with anticipation and excitement...otherwise check this out and I would really appreciate some feedback :). So be kind and leave a msg down below :D, thunkers and have yourselves a good weekend folks.There will be a post following this, probably some time o'er the weekend, but this is what I have for now, so when you're done reading don't be shy to leave feedback folks...haven't you heard? Feedback is good for the soul :). Thanks for sticking around thus far on this insane ride/journey :), hopefully the wheels keep turning on here for a while before this particular train is outta juice and service...take care peepz!

The Thirteenth Step

Step 1…you take a step
You take a breath,
And you make your
presence felt.
No inhibitions,
Actions of innocence;
An aura of purity felt.
Living life at it’s most
genuine,
And honest best.
Until Step 2 comes around.
Wobbly, shaky,
Hesitant…resistant,
You take your step
anyway.
Moving forward,
Swaying backward,
Shutting your eyes,
While skipping ahead;
CRASH…BOOM
Things falling apart,
The first layers of
An untainted innocence
shed.
Garnished with them
pearly tears,
Learning about
That good old myth
called fear;
Savoring, better yet,

Tasting that very first
Dose of reality…
Confused, bedazzled,
You keep looking ahead.
Not knowing to,

Nor wanting to,
But out of compulsion,
Out of being told to
do so.
Being cajoled into
learning that
Oh so mighty lesson
of bravery.
You know the one,

You’ve heard it before…

The one they call a true
friend,

The one they consider
To be nothing short of
a devastating blow
To many a foe…
Or so you are told,

So you are taught;
Nodding your young
innocent head,

Confused…bewildered,

And wiping away,
The rest of your tears,

You set foot
Onwards to Step 3.

A little less confused,

A little less dazed,

Though life still passes
you by in a haze.

Shedding those layers
Of naivety and purity,
Without realizing,

Without seeing,

You move along,
You carry on…

Trudging…some days,

Racing ahead on any
other given day.

Faster than the gusty
wind,

Racing along with you
With that spirit,
That need, the urge
To grow up faster,

To grow taller faster,

Learn sooner,

Leave earlier,

Live dreams sooner;

And before you know it,
The blink of an eye,

Snap of a finger,

The world you live in,
Comes crashing down,

Up ahead atop your head.

Stuck, broken,

You scream out…

In confusion, agony, pain,

Where did I go wrong?

You question, you ask.

Don’t give up!

You hear the voices
in your head,

Repeating and whispering
unto your self.
Rise above!!
You hear them cheer
you on.
Memories of your long
time friend bravery,

Resurfacing, and,
Finding their way back
to you.

Serving to be the epitome
of loyalty
And all things a friend
should be.
You choke on your tears,

Broken by your fears;
You look up,
To that unknown
ethereal power.
Your angry tears,

Blazing their trails,

Fuelling that fire,

Burning deep inside…

You question, you stare,
You glare…you shatter.

And out of the blue,

You feel a warmth,
Surround you…

Embrace you...blanket
you…

Whispering words of
comfort,
Humming sounds of
hope.
Until…there it is…

That little crack of light,
That little sliver of
hope,

Making it’s presence
felt.

Giving you the strength,

To pick yourself up,

And march onwards,

To Step 4.

Away, away,

You keep walking,

Onward towards

Step 4.

Pondering a way,

To not let the darkness
consume you whole.

You stop a while,

And revisit,

Those lessons of a
time passed.

Memories renewed,

Victories re-savored,

Defeats re-lived,

They jolt you to life.

Suddenly the path
ahead,

Doesn’t seem as scary
anymore.

Those doubts of yours,

Don’t question you
anymore…

You take a big, deep
breath,

You step ahead,

And dive and plunge
on,

Off towards Step number
5.

They say confession is
good for the soul.

What they never say,

Is whose soul,

Feels the coolness,

Or the gentleness
Of that balm of peace,
clarity and serenity.
What they never say,

Is how twisted,

Or wicked,

A soul can be.

To use your pain against
you.

To revel…
In the brutality and
cruelty,

Of crushing yours,
Into infinitely, tiny
pieces.
Neither hindered by
consequences,

Nor perturbed by the
turning hands of time;

Confessed, tried,
Tired and emptied…

You keep walking on,

Head held high,

You stride on,

Off to Step 6 you go.

You find yourself
in a cycle…

Confused, it makes you
wonder,
Makes you contemplate,
and acknowledge,

Those little pranksters,

Consequence, and,
awareness.

You reflect…you ponder,

And then…

It hits you!

Life isn’t about,

Being a bed of roses,

Nor is it

The fiery furnace of hell.

You…like the way of life,

Need both your paradise,

And your hell,

So as to learn, live and
lead.

You realize,

Without chaos,

There is no order.

You learn the simple,

Yet ultimate truth
Of acceptance.

Lesson learned,

Wisdom secured,

You walk ahead.

Filled with a renewed
Sense of humility,

On towards Step 9 you
go.

At Step 9,

You stop…you pause,

And take a look back;

At how far you’ve
traveled,

And wonder

Just how much further
You, have yet to go.

You look back,

At good times had,

At bad times,

You wished never
happened.

You heave a sigh,

Wishing you could
turn back time,
Right your wrongs,

Take away the painful
memories;

Swearing never to

do that ever again.

With your new found
companion Repentance,

You walk together,

Up ahead on that path,

That leads to Step 10.

With promises,

And vows,

Of righting

All those wrongs you
once caused.

Like someone on a
mission,

You march forward,

With promises to keep,

And a conscience to
ease.

At Step 10,

You wait a while,

You find a need
to linger.

To remember,

All you lost,

Yet all that you gained.

Paths walked…
And paths you strayed
away from.
Shaking your head,

At your follies,

Cracking a smile
at your naivety,

You walk on towards
Step 11.

A twang of regret,

Making it’s way
through,

Regretting the loss,

Of an age of innocence,

Of purity…of naivety;

To a world we lost…

At Step 11,

You meet your long lost
friend,

Well forgotten enemy,

Reflection;

A reminder of,

Things you did,

And secrets you hid.

You wonder…you
question,

Whether or If

You could make a
difference.

Questions swirling,

Doubts twirling,

You tread lightly,

Towards Step 12.

At Step 12,

You befriend,

Your long lost friend…
The one piece,

Of that puzzle
you call life;

You meet Redemption,

Hand shaken,

You embrace each other,
Whispering solemnly,

Of sights seen,
Lessons learned,

And ultimately,

You bring up

Your quest for salvation;

From demons,

Too many to scare away,

From ghosts of past,

That have worn you
down to the bone.

To save those,

From the pitfalls,

You once had.

Hand in hand,

Taking almost full
command,

Of this darned thing
called life,

You walk forward,

Boldly, bravely…

With a confidence
anew,

Up, up and away,

You say,

On to Step 13,

Let’s make our way.

At Step 13,

You wonder…

Is this salvation?

Or is my salvation,

The lessons I lived
through,

All those 12 steps ago?

You smile a small,

Yet whole-hearted
smile,

With the knowledge,
Of your salvation

Being the journey you
traveled.

And at Step 13,

You meet the oldest,

Yet closest friend of
all,

The mighty friend we
call Wisdom.

A sense of peace…

Of tranquility,

Seeps through your
pores.

A feeling you never
felt before…

And you finally see,
and feel,

The warmth of that light

You once saw…

That tiny sliver,

That found it’s way,

Into the abyss,

You once fell into.

With a sense of fulfillment,

You savor the light.

Bathing you in it’s
radiance,

You realize then,

How your life,

Has come full circle.

You realize,

You, are your own
cause and effect.

With a realization so
profound,

You set off on a new
journey.

A new path you build,
You create…you walk

To share your

Treasures of wisdom,

And wealth of knowledge.

No longer ignorant,

You walk ahead,

Not with a trace of
hesitation,

Nor overconfidence,

But, with a sense of
purpose,

And a sense of being
one,

Not just with one’s
self,

But also,

With all that around
us,

And all that surrounds
us.

(SJ, April 12, 2011)

Rambles, Jambles and Countless Brambles

I've always loved that word brambles, a tingle of excitement rushes up my spine when I read that word, for some reason it always reminds me of Enid Blyton's Famous Five...for those uninitiated all I have to say is you kids (I don't care how old you are) have been seriously deprived. Gimme her books to read ANY DAY and I will curl up in a corner and spend my time reading those books. I used to LOVE (and still do) reading that Famous 5 series along with her collection of short stories. They dealt with pixies and fairies and gnomes and awesome things!! Now that's what a child's imagination needs a lotta exposure to. That whole concept of free your soul free your mind, there's just something about reading and music that can do that and I highly recommend that this revolutionary freedom movement be started at a young age. You'd be surprised at how much you can stand to learn from kids and how much more they can stand to learn from you. No I'm not a parent and yes it's very easy for me to dish out advice like this, next thing you know I'm gonna b getting these emails saying great so we freed their souls and minds and now they're wreaking havoc that involves cleaning up after them 24 hours a day...thanks we were used to doing so only 16 hours.

Anyhoo it's been a while since I came on here and let out some verbal steam :P...oh woe is you indeed. For most part it was to rant about a plethora of things, but for the life of me I can't remember a lotta things that I wanted to go on about. Well if anything I'm sure it included akademia seeing how a majority of the pain in the arses arise from there, and then I guess I'll find my way from there.

Ya know all those people you see cutting corners and who pretty much entice you into wanting to say 'screw it' to your values and principles? And I guess pretty much has you wanting and wishing for that thing called 'karma' to kick in full force pretty much any time now? Well I kinda had that moment or rather I've been having more frequent episodes of that moment these past few months, but end of the day I can't abandon my value, ethics or principles for sum'n low and underhanded. However, I'm no saint and I'm not gonna say I don't wish sometimes the people around bitching and whining 'bout things, even though they go about achieving said things in the most unworthy manner, get dealt the hand they deserve. But then again, who am I to decide who deserves what and how they deserve it. However, this past week something along the lines of a miracle happened lol, so all those unscrupulous gits who get by on copying and cheating off of each other (don't gimme the it's a highly competitive atmosphere so you gotta do what you gotta do bullshit, 'cuz that ain't gonna win you any sympathy from me) finally...I mean FINALLY got deprived of a few things. Apparently while doing our test while some people were using the sharing is caring policy, the teachers swiped their answer sheets from right under their noses...funny thing is that they did this for the last test :|...wat the hell were they doing the rest of the year? :|...Hey maybe there were a few ppl who weren't cheating and musta looked around staring aimlessly at some point of the room to gather and collect their thoughts. I know I stare at the whiteboard or the ceiling, I mean honestly I'm 'bout as blind as a bat and I clearly don't have enough time nor skills to break into a building more likely a lab and plant answers at distant spaces :|...Besides that, this particular class we have one of the profs who comes in to administer/proctor the tests has like twitching problems when it comes to putting up slides for us to identify. The speed at which he zooms around a slide to get us to ID it gets me all nauseous...it's like I have freaking motion sickness from him zooming all over the dang slide. Anyway, he hates us and our guts, but the unfortunate part is that he hates the rest of us because of the actions of a few. Yeah I understand he can be and is a total dick as far as allotting points and things are concerned but that does not warrant neither does it excuse the kinda behavior some people exhibit. I mean gimme a break, this guy has dealt with this area for years! To try and strong arm him in his area of expertise, which might I add you've only been studying for a year, is just bullshit and absolutely ridiculous. I think people forget at times, that regardless of where they get to in life or what they are in life respect is something that is earned, deserved and given to people regardless of the situation you're in. Throwing a shit fit or a tantrum does not warrant nor justify your demanding nature. I mean didn't you learn that when you were a kid? If you didn't jeez someone needs to slap you now. Believe me, nobody gives a fuck as to who you are...status is something that is a very fickle thing, you may be someone today or you may think you are someone today but tomorrow you will be about as obscure as a grain of sand...and darling thing about grains of sand is that it can be blown away pretty much anytime without fore-warning. Never forget the value or worth of respect wherever you are...I mean hey I'm not one of those alpha-females who tries to call the shots or believes they are far better than anyone else and I'm also not one of 'em turncoats who flows with the stronger current because they're too afraid to try and stay afloat on their own and make it through...nor am I the one to go for cliques, the whole clique mentality is a real life stunting ordeal if you ask me and I'm all for individual growth instead of being a groupie. That doesn't mean that there won't be times when you sway for the groupie effect 'cuz sometimes it just makes more sense than your individual stance and more importantly it depends on the situation you find yourself in. I'd love to tackle the leader and follower paradigm as I think it's a concept that is misunderstood. A true leader isn't one who holds himself or herself in any for of superiority complex, they are people who value and respect anyone and everyone's opinion. They never put their needs and agendas above everyone else...they are the epitome of loyalty that too of a very fiery kind. You mess with that you're asking for trouble pal, you might as well wish you were in the 7th or 8th realm of hell. They give you a hand when you fall instead of walking away and letting you be trampled all over the place...for them nobody ever gets left behind. They need not be living examples of peace and tranquility but they have absolute faith and conviction in what they believe in and the best part? They see everybody as equals, they don't let it get to their heads that they're leaders. Words aren't the only things that make a person, actions and mannerisms do as well.

This journey I'm on at the moment, I set out on it with hopes, dreams and aspirations to help others in a much larger capacity...no I'm not aiming for Nobel Prize speech :P psht! Then you'd really have to get the Committee's head checked lol...one of my backup akademik options was Law, however when I told my parental units about my interest in Law and how I was thinking about it, the first comment outta their mouths was "Oh hell no you aren't cut out for law, you'd be an absolute door-mat." I was quite befuddled with their response, I mean here I thought I had made a giant leap into something substantial only to realize that I was falling short of my safety net to land in and instead I'd have to brace for impact for the impending fall. Yeah crashing and boomin' ain't exactly the most beautiful thing in the world, but hey with every fall you only get to learn how far off you are from the landing zone, or at least that's what I keep telling myself. You know how when a gadget doesn't work you ultimately throw your hands up in despair and frustration and just smack the object that's your bone of contention? Well one of these days Imma be doing that with my head, if my brain doesn't shut up with silly and corny anecdotes I'm definitely smacking it lol. Not that I don't, but this might be on a more repetitive basis :|. But like I was saying before I went all tangential, was that, apparently to be on this current journey involves quite a bit of politics and a bit of a business acumen 'cuz apparently there's a worth limit for everybody that gets calculated pretty much the first day you start. And your market value is like the stock exchange, and by market value I'm not talking 'bout your relationship status, it extends from pretty much the social networks you possess, how many people you know that you can squeeze for information access. Trading is equivalent to how much gossip a person is worth, I'm assuming the higher the gossip the greater the status 'cuz bloody hell you're all everyone ever talks about which means you have some sorta standing I assume within the community. Even if you're called the biggest bitch everyone wants to be your BFF 'cuz knowing you = sharing the same frame/picture/space thereby getting into everyone other all access pass's lil' contact book. So apparently now to be able to help people I gotta be a fucking politician, business person, liar I mean lawyer, and a stock trader? WTF?! Clearly I've avoided the above mentioned paths mostly due to my slight shortcomings in those respective areas lol. Ai karamba....I'm screwed aren't I?

My folks always tell me that I tend to be an idealist and that the real world is a pretty feisty, crooked and messed up place...and that I'm still too naive. I think what they don't realize is I've seen quite a fair share of the ugliness the world has to offer, 'cuz that tends to pop out more often and be highlighted more often than the beauty the world does offer. I'd rather be a delusional idealist and optimist than turn into a jaded pessimist just yet, yeah sure I'm a bit jaded, but I still believe in the good that we have within us. There's always a lil' sum'n hidden within each of us, some people prefer resorting to their not so awesome natures for quite a few reasons. One of those reasons being it's easier for them to snap at and dismiss people than it is to give them a shot and value them for who they are. Another reason is the 'it happened to me, so someone else deserves it' mentality. I mean are you people just too stupid to realize that by doing so you aren't helping anyone out and it's always gonna be a vicious cycle. Wouldn't you rather break it than allow it to go on? I mean we're homo sapiens, we're the most developed of all species...yet we're so retarded :|..it's amazing. You have the chance to break stereotypes, to break down walls holding you down, to make things b8r if not simpler for those after you, for teaching and setting examples for those to follow. Yet we choose not to...the question as to why we hesitate to do something that would benefit so many as opposed to ourselves is perhaps one of those mysteries of life questions a.k.a the big questions that many more besides myself will ponder. I mean I see it everyday where I'm at at the moment, people refusing to share information with others 'cuz God forbid everybody is on or at the same playing field...I'm telling ya life is one big circus, just looking at these clowns trying to strut their authority o'er others outta some hormonal imbalance or a sense of impotency is just freaking hilarious.

Well I guess I should end on this note, all I'm trying to say folks is that try and live your lives with as open a mind as possible. Try to live your lives blinder free if anything or if you do try taking a break from it from time to time, the littlest things always contribute to the biggest changes. It's like the old adage, it takes droplets of water to make an ocean...we're all connected you know? You and I...I dunno how, when or why, but our paths will cross at some point in time and for those whom we've already crossed paths with...if we're still in touch I hope we never take each other for granted. Try thinking of an alternative scenario...what do you think would've happened if our paths never crossed? Would you still be where you are? Doing whatever it is you're doing? Would you still be the person you are? There's some food fer thought now :)...well I hope all is well with everyone and I hope everyone has/had an awesome weekend...here's wishing ya a rockin' week ahead. Hey I know the week ahead is gonna be an awesome one for me :), reasons will follow later :D..haha. Cheers!

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Piano piece from Criminal Minds episode titled Coda
Artist: Composers of the CM soundtrack
OST: Criminal Minds (Season 6)
Release Date: Well the date it aired was February 23rd, Circa 2011 <& it was a pretty awesome episode>

Song: Illuminated
Artist/Band: Hurts
Album: Happiness
Release Date: September 6, Circa 2010

Experiments & Ottobiographies

Allo allo everybody,
It's that time of the day/week/month/year/time frame of choice that you'd prefer having. So for those of ya'll tunin' into this whole blog thing of mine, well today is your lucky day...this probably might be the shortest blog entry I've ever written :D, yes I'm excited 'bout that fact as well. I do have a longer one, though that still is a work in progress in my head space...but worry not the moment I have that 'bursting at the seams' urge goin' on in my head space to the point where my fingers literally get all jittery and twitchy, you will get that monster post :D...whether you like it or not.

None the less, this one is more of a post for the moment, I guess it sparked a few thoughts...but a lil' birdy, yes literally or I guess virtually a lil' birdy (it's a little hard to work on the literal difference between the 2 at this point, trust me the source will have you about as flummoxed as I am, with regards to how the contextualize this birdy, but going back to the topic at hand)...so literally I found out through a lil' birdy that the maestro A.R. Rahman will have an autobiography out soon. In addition to that, I believe Mr. Mani Ratnam (one of India's finest film-makers) will be doing the honours at the book launch party. See me being the idiot I am I decided to send a response tweet to the guy who posted this up on twitter (yes that's the lil' birdy I was talkin' bout) and tol' him 'Hey u know wat else wud b awesome? If the man released a composition tracing the highlights of his life.' I proceeded to read the article, yes the guy is a reporter for a Bollywood website...to hell with being politically correct or not, but I've been saying Bollywood since I was a kid so screw you if you think I'm not bein' propah and wat not. But goin' back to wat I was saying, I went and read a more elaborate version of the tweet and almost hit my head, 'cuz apparently there's CD with 8 tracks composed by him...now I sincerely hope it's not just from his movies, 'cuz c'mon that would sorta kinda b a rip off and it would be really difficult to pick only 8 tracks from the 198342193875098772345 tracks you've composed. So those of you buying his ottobiography I hope you guys get some fresh & original muzaak in there.

But yeah, can you imagine if his ottobiography was only a set of CD's with a composition that he thought was befitting for the story of his life..I mean can you imagine fresh and creative new ways of weaving in tunes from Roja, Bombay, Dil Se, Taal, Lagaan, Guru (just to name a few), oh right and Slumdog Millionaire in along with your compositions? AAAhhhh...thinking of ways to play around with all of that is sending me to music heaven...I would say nirvana or moksha, but technically that would mean nothing-ness and believe me when I say music, especially Rahman's compositions do not take you to a place of nothing-ness, they take you to newer planes, realms and dimensions. This man is a pioneer if anything and he has definitely raised the bar as far as music compositions and the quality of music is concerned. Not only that, he has also inspired a whole slew of people heck generations of people from all walks of life to be part of that divine revolution called Music.

But yeah, if I was a music composer, that's how I'd release my autobiography...as an epic composition. Maybe it sounds narcissistic or self-centred, but, some people are best at expressing themselves the way they've always expressed themselves...not everybody is a talker, not everybody comes with an arsenal of rapier wit and enchanting words. Expression is what makes us unique, and appreciation or criticism (I guess you gotta take both the good & the bad together for this one, one doesn't and cannot exist without the other) for this form of expression is what makes us, as human beings, come together. Well kids that's 'bout it for now, I just wanted to share this piece of news with all you Rahmaniites and I wanted to share my idea for a musical ottobiography with all you music afficandos out there. What do you guys think? Wouldn't that be a wicked cool idea? Or did someone already beat me to the punch with that idea? I wouldn't be surprised if they did...so here's my question to you, how would you compose/create (think outside or inside any box you want to, this ain't just limited to music) your autobiography? Take care peeps and I hope all is well with each and every one of you, until next time keep yer chin up & head up high 'cuz b8r days are always rite 'round the corner :). Cheers!

Song of the Day:

Song: Music
Artist: Madonna
Album: Music
Release Date: August 21, Circa 2000

Of Realities Alternate and Otherwise...The Truth really is out there somewhere

As X-Filesy as this sounds, it definitely is not a take on our friendly extra terrestrials or anything of the sort. Besides, if I did start then I'd go into this whole spiralling tangent about CK a.k.a Superman and you know it would take quite a lotta virtual space before I finally ended the post :P. Now, before I digress into superheroes and all, what with this year being the Year of Superheroes (as far as movies are concerned) and all, there definitely will be a post 'bout it later on this year for sure. However, for now, this one is more a trip down the path of warped-ness...a path I am particularly fond of :). Yes...I can already hear those huge sighs of exasperation...well buck up and inhale all that you have to and have fun...is all I have to say :P.

What would happen if there were parallel universes? No…scratch that, what would happen if all our forms of existence on every alternate dimension/parallel universe thought the exact same thing at the exact same moment? What would happen then? Would it be one universal synchronous feeling of harmony? Or would it be one of those moments in life where things click into place and because it clicks into place a sense if not the epitome of perfection has been attained, and knowing that perfection and attainment aren’t exactly permanent concepts, something has to end…would that perfection be the fateful gong that marks the hour if not the end, that seals all our fates?

You know how we keep looking for signs from the ‘Universe’? What if the signs we are looking for are simply imprints left by all our other avatars…okay to make it simpler, what if those signs are basically just the entirety of our selves (including all the fragments from all realms of existence) connecting with us and guiding us towards what we are truly here to do…I mean think about it, what if that entire concept of gut feelings et al. is just the entirety of your being/self (heck you can call it soul if you want to) reaching out to you, nudging your memory towards the direction of lessons learned, not necessarily events precipitating the lessons.

This also leads me back to that fascinating yet ominous realm of dreams. For centuries dreams have been the centre of much mystery, interest and fascination. I have a take on the concept, sure maybe it’s inspired by my idea for a graphic novel and it may seem influenced by them lovely comeex as well, but I think our dreams are the bridges that link our different realms of existence together. I mean just think about it, the dreams you’ve had of yourself, what if that was you in a different realm of reality? Or a different heck even past life? Or an alternate universe per-se? Is it not possible? I mean the human mind after-all IS considered to be quite a complex structure…it isn’t exactly something that science has mapped out nor figured out completely. Nobody knows how much of our brainular energy it is that we use, nor where or what stimulates the thoughts we have, nor just how much our brain is capable of doing or whether there’s a particular frequency at which our brain functions best at and if so what that frequency is and how it differs from other living organisms. I’m not calling it a time-machine for one, but what if it was something that was the all access pass through space and time? How awesome would that be? Maybe that’s why we don’t remember our dreams…perhaps it’s the law of the Universe to not be able to possess memories of yourself from the different realms you just astrally projected into.

Heck maybe that’s what the whole feeling of déjà vu is all about you know? That sense of familiarity of having been somewhere or doing a task that some part of your mind feels like it has already done or been through. Sure it’s creepy but doesn’t it just make you wonder? Maybe we live in a world where everything is fast-paced and all but you can’t tell me that it has stopped you from thinking about random and bizarre occurrences. I mean maybe this is the foundation of that whole concept of soul-mates or that concept of having that feeling of knowing someone your whole life.

On that note, that should be enough soul food for the time being…it definitely has me thinking…perhaps this is one of those secrets of the Universe that we may never discover. I think I’d prefer it to be that way too, ‘cuz there just are some mysteries that should remain as they are not and not be uncovered. Definitely makes life a lot more interesting, fascinating and gives it the whole multi-faceted dimension and best of all…gives one’s imagination plenty of splendiforous things to go crazy about!! And you all know how much of a sucker I am as far as freeing the imagination is concerned. Heck it’s in you to free and unleash!!! Well on that note, I hope everything is well with everyone and if anything…Carpe both the Diem and Noctum depending which one intrigues you more. Don’t stop dreaming or believing, it really is what makes us who we are.

Numb - A Bells & Whistles Installment & Preview

Hey guys!
So yes this post comes eons after my last one. However, with this post I'd like to share something with you guys, that's part of this project I'm working on. By project I mean story idea, yes I'm aware I have a lot of those, but just go with the flow a'ite? Well this project is tentatively titled Bells & Whistles, now if I went into the history of that name we won't finish this post until I guess 2012 so let's just keep it short shall we? I'm experimenting with a new writing style of sorts, and what I'm going to post is one of the chapters from the story/compilation. This project is pretty close to my heart and is a definite work in progress, and I sincerely hope it's sum'n I can finish this year, besides a few other things. I hope you guys will be kind enough to give me some feedback, if not it's all good as well...it comes with the standard disclaimer and warnings with all things related to my writing. Well, have fun and definitely lemme know what you think :).

Here's presenting one of the chapters from Bells & Whistles, titled Numb. Stay tuned to this space for updates on what the hell B & W is about, I will definitely elucidate on the idea in upcoming posts, due to a lil' bit of a time concern I won't be able to elaborate much on the idea at the moment. Happy Reading, and all your time and feedback is greatly appreciated!

Numb

Through the gateway,
Past the passage of
youth,
Of times characterized,
By innocence, purity,
and naivety;
Where the focus of life,
Was all about
Becoming the who,
what and why…
Of dreams of,
Many a day that passed
you by;
When you figured;
Nay, when you though,
You knew…
That nothing could
Stop you now;
That you had faced
Every hurdle, obstacle,
and difficulty,
Life could toss at you;
Just when you,
Were beginning to
settle down.
With the cards dealt,
By the hands of fate,
It hits you,
Smack you and,
Takes you down
by surprise.
Unannounced, Unwelcomed
Unwanted, and Un-needed;
It charges at you,
Like a wild, hungry
beast,
Daunting, with haunting
eyes;
Looming and casting
gloomy shadows.
A stiff reminder,
Of all the lessons yet
to be learned,
Of all those tricks,
That fiendish thing
called Life,
Has yet to unveil.
Broken spirits, broken
souls,
Faiths shaken,
Wandering zombies
of hope,
Waiting to be restored,
Like those wandering
souls,
Residing and roaming
purgatory.
Is this hell?
Is this my punishment?
Of crimes past,
And sins ever present?
Walking past that
gateway,
On that road,
Towards the next phase
of my life…
For the first time,
I felt like a trespasser.
Walking a path,
I should not be
walking;
Perhaps a life,
I shouldn’t be living.
Staring down the
abyss,
Of a beginning, of
change,
Of what I saw as my
ending.
When hope seemed
far out of grasp,
Beyond my reach,
When all the will I
had,
Felt like it was spent,
Trying and fighting.
When all the dreams,
Seemed like they,
Had their fates sealed…
Unfulfilled and broken,
Hurt…possessed by a soul
wilting,
Withering, dying…
Accompanied by the
frigid, stinging wind,
Of heartbreak, guilt,
And betrayal anew.
Shackled by the chains
of disappointment;
Carrier of weights,
Of woeful eyes,
Cause of many a
disappointed sighs,
And words…ever so sharp,
Ever so stark…
Like blades slicing through
the heart.
Like the blistering, dry
winds,
Blowing over many
a vast desert.
Blazing, branding, scorching,
Everything within it’s
path…
Numb…delirious and
lost,
Like the lost nomad,
Wandering that vast,
Barren desert called Life,
Searching for my oasis,
My spark and sign of life.
I fall on my knees,
Head bowed…
Hands spread wide,
In prayer…
Gesturing, asking;
The vast vagueness,
Of life and the Universe,
For that sign,
For that strength,
For that oasis of hope;
Just to keep fighting,
Just to keep looking
forward,
To brighter days,
And a better tomorrow.

SJ (Feb 24, 2011)

Song of the Day:

Song: Numb
Artist/Band: Linkin Park
Album: Meteora
Release Date: September 8, Circa 2003
Bells

No One Killed Jessica….Truth, Justice, Bureaucracy and the People.

Welcome to a world that has more democracies than dictatorships, I mean I’d like to believe we live in a world where there’s a very slim chance of having dictatorships coming to the fore-front. But then again, politics is pretty much like sports where the results are always unexpected and unanticipated, unless you’re freaking Australia and you know you’re a sure fire bet for the Finals and heck even the World Cup, and that would be the ICC World Cup. To those unaware of such an event and what the ICC is, well Google it and I’m sure you’ll see what I’m talking about. Well okay it has a lot to do with the amazing game of Cricket. This post however, is highly inappropriate for a full discourse on cricket, because, I can actually go on and on about it for hours. None the less, getting back to the topic at hand…before we get any further let me just make one thing very clear, I am not a political analyst and I have nothing to say with regards to political parties and ridiculous bureaucracy.

When I first saw the promos of this movie, the first thing that got my attention was the plot-line, the racy and gritty cinematography and the most important thing being 2 stellar actresses, in my humble opinion, sharing screen space. I mean come on!! What else can you expect me to say when you see promos featuring Vidya Balan and Rani Mukherjee? Both actresses have proved so much with movies like Parineeta and Black (for instance) and they have so much more to contribute to the world of Indian cinema. The moment the promo got done I had set some expectations as far as this movie was concerned, and this definitely would have been a movie I would’ve gone to a theatre to watch. Unfortunately, my current location doesn’t afford that luxury of being able to go watch a Hindi movie in a theatre, but, that being said, I was completely and absolutely psyched to watch this movie. The general plot-line got me to go Google the movie and of course the ever friendly Wikipedia gave me a gist on what the plot/movie was based on. That only got me further interested and waiting with bated breath for this movie.

Now before I literally nose-dive into this review, there are a few things one should NOT expect from this movie. This is not a movie about political parties and the complications that arise from messing with politicians and things of the sort. You will not see the standard thugs hired by cronies of powerful politicians to take care of business by resorting to vile things like rape and things of the sort. It’s not a Satya, so don’t expect that extent or degree of gritty-ness, neither is this a glamorous depiction of events. This story is basically about truth, justice, unity and the power of the people. I’ll try and summarize the story as much as I can, as much as I don’t really like giving away the plot or anything of the sort. I mean I’d rather tell you what I felt when I watched the movie as opposed to summarizing the entire story, that as all you smarties know are available on numerous websites that do reviews, so you don’t really need to read the story all over again. Here’s the bare minimum, the story is set in Delhi…it all starts with a girl being shot in a high profile bar by a high profile person, who has lots of political power/clout. There are 300 witnesses but by the time the report gets filed down at the police station everyone has a different story and only 7 people are witnesses. The entire case falls apart and the suspects are released, much to the chagrin of the family, and all of this happens in six years. Six years of trying to resolve this case leads to the perpetrator being declared innocent and released, due to the wonderful cons of democracy. Yeah I know you’re probably going to say that’s both ridiculous and impossible that it took six years to resolve this case, but it’s the truth. There’s a short version of the case and trials on Wikipedia…I mean wow it’s just ridiculous as to what that family had to go through. Once the verdict is out, enter enraged journalist who is pissed with the end result justice delivered to what the journalist pretty much declared was an open and shut case due to huge number of witnesses that were there when this incident occurred. This journalist then sets about with a team to do what journalists do, to seek out the truth and present facts to the masses as they are. Ultimately, the case gets a lot of national attention and people are outraged by the incompetence exhibited by many parties that were responsible and involved with this case, and due to much public pressure the case is re-opened and dealt with in the Supreme Court.

Personally the movie lived up to my expectations and then some, I thought the performances were just exemplary and I’m glad this issue was brought up. Another I liked too was the little homage/tribute the movie paid to 'Rang De Basanti' (the word AMAZING is an under-statement when it comes to describing RDB). Nobody should ever have to go through what Jessica and her family had to go through, it has definitely got to be one of the most difficult and frustrating things a family or an individual has to face. All that pain, sadness, frustration, anger, numbness and bitterness is way too much for anybody to carry and I sincerely and truly hope that mistakes of this caliber and crimes of this degree don’t happen in the future. But just as much as this world is filled with enlightened and wiser people, there’s always that fair share of idiots and douches who like to refresh our memories with such horrendous incidents.

The story occurs over a time period when India had just settled down from a huge war that had brought a nation together and was moving forward in the direction of growth, development and progress especially in the whole technology, communications and scientific fields. They don’t or at least I think are not supposed to be inclined to any particular side, as they are the instruments of the people and have a responsibility to those very people to give them the truth and the facts in the purest and most undiluted way possible. Sure it might be a little far fetched and naïve to expect people to not take sides, but if there’s anything one cannot deny, it’s their dedication to hunt and go the extra mile to get to the very bottom of a story. You have to realize though, that this is not a revenge oriented story or one filled with lectures and speeches about what the youth should do or what people should do. This movie is just a reminder that not everything is as simple as it looks, and that there definitely is a lot of hope in this world we live in, because it isn’t always as ignorant as it seems. People should never assume that their actions won’t have consequences and on that very same note they shouldn’t be taken for granted either. There is much power, fervor, passion and ferocity for justice and equality that can be evoked within the common man, because there’s only so much bull shit that anyone can put up with. So if you’re one of those people who think that you can keep screwing people over and none of this is going to get back to you, I’d like to give you the following warning…think before you do something stupid. It might seem like one or two people to you, but if you count all those people you’ve screwed over in the past that’s entirely something else to think about now isn’t it? They’re like the drops of water that over time collect and form an ocean, so watch your words and actions, there’s only so much oppression anyone will take.

The public/general populace is quite the force to contend with, and we must never forget that. We have…in fact; we are the power that is responsible for a lot of important and leading figures to be the people they are. We are what make them (yes I’m using the Us v/s them analogy), and we should never forget that, with that in mind we should never under-estimate all the change we’re capable of bringing about in the world and we should never psych ourselves to believe that there is nothing we can do when we’re shackled by the chains of suppression and oppression. Heck I don’t need to say that to you guys, that’s something History has highlighted time after time, but sometimes we just need someone to hit that ‘reset’ button to remind us of all that we are capable of.

Song of the Day:

Song: Dilli
OST: No One Killed Jessica
Release Date: December 1, Circa 2010

Ps: I love how uninhibited the script is, watch out for swearing, if you're someone who cannot tolerate swearing yet wanna watch the movie jus' ear muff it.

Candle In the Wind

A major issue these days that I think gets side lined if not stated as a numb statistic and factoid is the case of suicide. The only time it receives crazy attention is if it's something that involves and serves several human rights and welfare groups' agendas. I mean it's stated about as starkly and casually as the casualties of war. I use war in the singular and not the plural because both you and I know there are way too many of them going on for me to rant about. But that's one I shall save for another time.

Here's going back to the topic at hand. I wanted to post about this issue before, around December or so to be honest. I was having one of those crisis of conscience, life, questions about the big picture and fun hints of the sort or well you could also call it procrastination I guess...as I was gearing up for exams around that time. Yea yea I know what the hell was I looking at that made me want to write about suicides right?

Well for starters I was doing some research about study strategies and ways to minimize procrastination and fun things of the sort because as you all know procrastination will be the death of us all. Okay for you "preservation of the English language" groups and you grammar Nazis I know the previous sentence was a wonderful example of repetition. None the less I was in the middle of finding some inspiration and somewhere between browsing for inspiration and catching up on Facebook almost every 2 minutes, which might I add was not a lotta fun as the News Feed kept showing me the same old news again and again. I mean do I really care about people's narcissistic expressions about themselves especially when they have a gazillion pictures of themselves in different poses. Actually no scratch that make that albums dedicated to themselves titled "Me" or "Moments" or some such BS. I mean I know we live in a time of self promotion and then some where we all are our own agents to promote and market ourselves bit a little toning down never hurt anyone, especially my eyes. Anyway I do digress...so this one time that my the feed refreshed if not updated itself I saw a post that went something along the lines of how this friend of mine was apologizing to another friend for not being there for them and for not seeing that something was not right. I mean yeah that seems like no biggie right? But what followed after those lines piqued my curiosity, my friend said something like "If only I had noticed something back then you probably would have been here today to hear and celebrate one of the greatest moments of my life. But now even this news holds no excitement without having you to share it with. I cannot believe it's been 7 months without you." or something along those lines. At first glance it just seems like a regular message between friends who I guess sorta lost touch with each other due to the climbing and growing burdens the world today seems to have fun piling on to us. It was the end of the message that caught me off guard, that last line about being watched over and until we meet again. I think I was hit by a wave of guilt, concern, sadness and a jarring if not glaring sense of awareness. You would think that was all that caught me off guard; following the message was a response to that message by I guess the mother of the dearly departed friend. Now that was definitely heart-breaking, my curiosity got the best of me yet again and I wanted to know if the account was still active or not. So I went into the profile and lo and behold there were all these comments, messages and responses this individual's mother had written.

The thing that hit me the most was how much guilt the parent was harboring. Just seeing those pleas and questions of 'why' and 'how' just broke my heart. Being a child (yes I still am one so you can quit the eye rolling) it's the hardest thing in the world to see parents blaming themselves and considering themselves to be failures as parents. Well more than that it's hard to see them do or accept heck agree to what their kids try not to make them feel. It hurts more when a child sees they weren't able to protect their parents from whatever it was they were trying to protect them from.

I know suicide is one of those delicate matters that isn't condoned by many components of humanity. I mean not a lotta people stop to think of the hows and why's they jump straight to the 'what a coward' aspect of things. It definitely takes more than a coward to finalize that decision and to contiguity with it if you think about it. None the less I'm not here to support or shoot down the topic, I'm in no position whatsoever to do that. Just reading that post got me thinking about what one can do or should do or what we as friends, sisters, brothers, lovers, spouses and parents should look out for. I mean if something happened to someone close to me I'm not sure how I would react. I might hold myself personally responsible for not being there enough or for not sensing something was up.

I think if anything the entire incident had me feeling just how much we take everything for granted and how we don't necessarily realize that until something drastic or unexpected happens. I mean there are some if us who love to broadcast every single problem or low we hit and then there are some of us who tend to tuck away and bottle up all of that and try and put up a real brave and strong face. Bottom line we all hit major lows but sometimes we feel trapped, if not buried alive by our own thoughts of failure and utter disappointment. This holds even more weight for those of us with the 'Black sheep of the family' complex. Yeah so pretty much anything and everything we read these days tell us to reach out to those we know and we can reach out to. But, oh and that's one big but, what makes things worse is when we reach out to people we consider even closer than family and all we get are those standard lines that any random person on the street would give you. That tends to compound and further fracture an already delicate situation, especially if it's someone for whom you would drop most things you're doing just to be there for them. Then you have that proverbial kicking yourself in the ass feeling, i should know personal experience and all. Trust me no amount of saying have zero expectations is going to make a person have zero expectations especially when it comes to matters of the heart. However, going back to what I was saying, not everybody is a walking, talking mood thermostat waiting to divulge any and all info regarding their lives. I know everyone has a crazy ass, hectic life where the only free time if they get any free time us that spent catching up on z's or doing more work. But please take some time outta that life filled win hustle n bustle to just drop a line, message heck even an email to the people that matter to you. You never know, sometimes that one action could be the reprieve if not turning point, heck I would go as far as saying the salvation they needed.

Suicide is no joke, and I don't care if you disagree with me for most part as far as this post goes but I do hope you get that message of not taking anyone for granted. Trust me, even if it's once in I dunno 6 months it makes a helluva difference and it matters. Take the time out to remind those close to you just how amazing they are because you never know how far that little reminder is gonna take them. Well I guess that's it for now folks, I'm not sure if I said enough of what I wanted to say about this issue but if I have more to say then hey there's always that new post option.

If you were expecting a moral, ethical and religious discourse on the issue then I guess I'm sorry to disappoint. Nobody except the G-man and okay maybe the law gets to make a call like that. Well I hope all is going decently well for all of you and if it ain't then just hold out...things are gonna turn around before you know it even if it doesn't seem like it you just gotta believe it will.

Song(s) of the Day:

Song: Dante's Prayer
Artist: Loreena McKennitt
Album: The Book of Secrets
Release Date: September, Circa 1997

Song: Kyun Main Jaagoon
Artist: Shafqat Amanat Ali
Album: Patiala House
Release Date: January 7, Circa 2011

Song: Haunted
Artist: Kelly Clarkson
Album: My December
Release Date: June 22, Circa 2007